Being vulnerable

Feelings. Something about sharing thoughts, feelings, emotions makes you feel vulnerable. And most of the time, they never quite come out the way you want them to. But thats ok. Im so greatful for all of my friends, but one of my friends, and Im pretty sure i thanked him for the first time ever.

When we'd talk, the questions "hows God today." always seemed to pop up. and I honestly couldnt tell you what I'd reply. It could of been lies I was telling myself (ignoring the truth) or the truth. I dont remember. But besides the fact, this person for me was the start of finding the light. and actually the person who brought my family to a church we all love so much.

Its funny to look back at old notes and journals and see how much we search for God, even if its not wholeheartedly, or even if its all the wrong places. Flipping through pages, its funny how often my friends are in them, and such examples they were to me, or how some were setting me up to stay trapped. As I was still living my life as a lie caught in bondage, my notes reflected my deep emotions. However I at one point came to a realization from one of my friends. Hed always share about God in such a way that one day I quote,"I want faith like that! Why cant I have faith like that?" And it hit me then....that I could.

I can be like Christ! Too often I doubted my gifts, listened to the devil, denighed the word of God, looked at my faults and mistakes, and kept doubting God. Just as Peter doubted Jesus in the book of Matthew, we can be like Jesus. "O you of so little faith."

Its funny how God will always pursue us. It is CLEAR as to what God has done for us, and someday He will set a passion in you. It might take a few years, but eventually the passion will just take over your heart.

This ever long awaiting is here. This passion, this unstoppable flame, is on fire. This desire to be like Jesus, to have the faith like my friend. I know I want someone to be able to look at me, and think she yup, she is a Jesus follower. At church a few weeks ago really stuck out to me. it was something like 1% read the bible, and 99% read the Christian. In a way that is true. From what Ive learned and observed from the people in my life, I have gained so much. So much as to now I am turning to His word. I pray to be more Christlike...to be humble, serve and not be served, and let those who slap me slap the other cheek, and show the ones I love...that I love them. And love them all with my ever God loving heart.

I pray that I will be as good of an example to others as to what my friends have been for me. And God....I thank you for such loving people in my life.