Feelings. Something about sharing thoughts, feelings, emotions makes you feel vulnerable. And most of the time, they never quite come out the way you want them to. But thats ok. Im so greatful for all of my friends, but one of my friends, and Im pretty sure i thanked him for the first time ever.
When we'd talk, the questions "hows God today." always seemed to pop up. and I honestly couldnt tell you what I'd reply. It could of been lies I was telling myself (ignoring the truth) or the truth. I dont remember. But besides the fact, this person for me was the start of finding the light. and actually the person who brought my family to a church we all love so much.
Its funny to look back at old notes and journals and see how much we search for God, even if its not wholeheartedly, or even if its all the wrong places. Flipping through pages, its funny how often my friends are in them, and such examples they were to me, or how some were setting me up to stay trapped. As I was still living my life as a lie caught in bondage, my notes reflected my deep emotions. However I at one point came to a realization from one of my friends. Hed always share about God in such a way that one day I quote,"I want faith like that! Why cant I have faith like that?" And it hit me then....that I could.
I can be like Christ! Too often I doubted my gifts, listened to the devil, denighed the word of God, looked at my faults and mistakes, and kept doubting God. Just as Peter doubted Jesus in the book of Matthew, we can be like Jesus. "O you of so little faith."
Its funny how God will always pursue us. It is CLEAR as to what God has done for us, and someday He will set a passion in you. It might take a few years, but eventually the passion will just take over your heart.
This ever long awaiting is here. This passion, this unstoppable flame, is on fire. This desire to be like Jesus, to have the faith like my friend. I know I want someone to be able to look at me, and think she yup, she is a Jesus follower. At church a few weeks ago really stuck out to me. it was something like 1% read the bible, and 99% read the Christian. In a way that is true. From what Ive learned and observed from the people in my life, I have gained so much. So much as to now I am turning to His word. I pray to be more Christlike...to be humble, serve and not be served, and let those who slap me slap the other cheek, and show the ones I love...that I love them. And love them all with my ever God loving heart.
I pray that I will be as good of an example to others as to what my friends have been for me. And God....I thank you for such loving people in my life.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
nothing secret...is ever secret.
Trust.
Ugg. Why is that such a hard concept for me to grasp?? Maybe its because I think of all the experiences and what i believe trust means. Maybe its because of all the people who have hurt me, and have abused my trust, taken advantage, and so on that I'm having a hard time letting someone wholeheartedly in life and ultimately trusting and have faith in. People lie, sin, gossip, cheat, confess, rumors, share secrets, break promises and so on...I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't alone with having issues with wholeheartedly trusting God.
This is where I need to remember that my relationship with Christ is like no other relationship I've experienced here. Yes, there are pieces and glimpses of Him within people and moments here, but He is like no other. He is God, my savior, the one I CAN trust. He is the one I should cry to, to confess to, to share secrets with, and believe He won't tell, will give me comfort, and will love me nonetheless.
Without Him, I am weak. I am learning and growing to trust Him.
Ugg. Why is that such a hard concept for me to grasp?? Maybe its because I think of all the experiences and what i believe trust means. Maybe its because of all the people who have hurt me, and have abused my trust, taken advantage, and so on that I'm having a hard time letting someone wholeheartedly in life and ultimately trusting and have faith in. People lie, sin, gossip, cheat, confess, rumors, share secrets, break promises and so on...I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't alone with having issues with wholeheartedly trusting God.
This is where I need to remember that my relationship with Christ is like no other relationship I've experienced here. Yes, there are pieces and glimpses of Him within people and moments here, but He is like no other. He is God, my savior, the one I CAN trust. He is the one I should cry to, to confess to, to share secrets with, and believe He won't tell, will give me comfort, and will love me nonetheless.
Without Him, I am weak. I am learning and growing to trust Him.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
GO USA
Olympics. :) Ive done nothing but sit and watch the olympics. I hardly ever watch t.v. and im glued to it today!! haha Go USA :)
Happy valentines day! :)
Happy valentines day! :)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
4 thoughts.
4 thoughts tonight....
4. In college, I would read bible verses and look up verses online. Now, however, I stick to the old fashioned way, by picking up a bible. This may sound silly, but I am now finding that as I flip through pages, I feel God and like I'm taking time and having a relationship with Him. Not only that, but it reminds me that no matter how technological, advanced and crazy our world gets, the Bible, and God remains the same...and is constant.
3. The bible study am I doing, gave me an incredible God lightbulb A HA moment. Beth Moore was sharing about the possibility of baggage and bondage is being passed down generationally, etc etc. So I want to change that. Direct quote from her, "I resolved to do anything and everything God willed-no matter how difficult-to make sure my two precious pups would not grow up to walk like their mother--the victim." This is something I want to take to heart. These middle schoolers may not be my children, but I am someone who carries baggage and bondage, and i wouldnt want any of them to be affected by it. Or to have their baggage and bondage themselves. As Beth said again, "I pray that if they walk like me now, they will walk wholeheartedly in liberty with God. I have found freedom right next to His side." I pray God uses me as a light for His glory.
2. I just had a sleepover last night with the east lansing middle schoolers Jocie and I lead at my house. I used to question myself as a leader, but now I know, I was made for this. :) I slept 4 hours last night, and may be in bed at 7:30 on a Sunday night, exausted, tired, however, I couldnt feel more alive, full and awake in my heart. :) Praise God.
1. Lastly, God is just so great. Im looking forward to spending each day smiling with God. Things are SO good right now, and I only pray that when things arent great, for His sake, that I will continually praise and give Him glory.
Hugs.
4. In college, I would read bible verses and look up verses online. Now, however, I stick to the old fashioned way, by picking up a bible. This may sound silly, but I am now finding that as I flip through pages, I feel God and like I'm taking time and having a relationship with Him. Not only that, but it reminds me that no matter how technological, advanced and crazy our world gets, the Bible, and God remains the same...and is constant.
3. The bible study am I doing, gave me an incredible God lightbulb A HA moment. Beth Moore was sharing about the possibility of baggage and bondage is being passed down generationally, etc etc. So I want to change that. Direct quote from her, "I resolved to do anything and everything God willed-no matter how difficult-to make sure my two precious pups would not grow up to walk like their mother--the victim." This is something I want to take to heart. These middle schoolers may not be my children, but I am someone who carries baggage and bondage, and i wouldnt want any of them to be affected by it. Or to have their baggage and bondage themselves. As Beth said again, "I pray that if they walk like me now, they will walk wholeheartedly in liberty with God. I have found freedom right next to His side." I pray God uses me as a light for His glory.
2. I just had a sleepover last night with the east lansing middle schoolers Jocie and I lead at my house. I used to question myself as a leader, but now I know, I was made for this. :) I slept 4 hours last night, and may be in bed at 7:30 on a Sunday night, exausted, tired, however, I couldnt feel more alive, full and awake in my heart. :) Praise God.
1. Lastly, God is just so great. Im looking forward to spending each day smiling with God. Things are SO good right now, and I only pray that when things arent great, for His sake, that I will continually praise and give Him glory.
Hugs.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Leap of Faith
Recently, I went out to lunch with my amazing friend Woj. :) Not only was the conversation enlighting and great, but I was so impressed with her willingness to take a chance. I took her to Sahara's, a middle eastern resturant, somewhere she'd never been or eaten before. I dont know about you, but when you look at some Middle Eastern meals, it doesnt always look so appetizing..
Her ability to trust me and my judgement of food was incredible and her willingness to try something different. It really made me sit back and think about when was the last time I took a chance, or trusted someone on something i didnt know about...
It also made me think, am i taking that leap of faith? Am I truely trusting God? Am I willing to do something to push me out of my comfort zone? Am I? So thats now my moment of prayers, is for me to trust God, and to make that jump.
Her ability to trust me and my judgement of food was incredible and her willingness to try something different. It really made me sit back and think about when was the last time I took a chance, or trusted someone on something i didnt know about...
It also made me think, am i taking that leap of faith? Am I truely trusting God? Am I willing to do something to push me out of my comfort zone? Am I? So thats now my moment of prayers, is for me to trust God, and to make that jump.
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