Starting to listen

I have a hearing loss. Yup. I said it. :) Hearing loss in my right ear-severe to profound. Yup.

Not many people know this. Its something I have hidden from my entire life, but its something that affects me in every day since forever. Each whisper, note taking, group discussions, etc etc. I find myself piecing together conversations and hoping that's what they said, reading lips, and sometimes even smiling/laughing because I have no idea what they said, and didn't want people to know etc etc. Its quite exhausting, focusing and straining to listen all the time. With the hearing loss, I always felt different then everyone else, and I didn't want people to know me as the "deaf girl". I always felt so alone too, because no one knows what its like. I have a different condition. Hearing aids don't work, so its not visible. And the condition I have is something old people get, and my whole life,"your so young." after hearing why. And its frustrating too because i think i hear the word cat and you really said boat. I think this could be where I say random comments because i think I heard someone talking about something completely different.

This is something I want to embrace and fully accept. God created me the way He wanted me to be. I should be embracing Him, and thanking Him for even allowing me to hear in the other ear, and making me different.

I had the best conversations with Woj sunday. What a blessing she is, and she has amazing gifts & talents :) I shared with her about my hearing loss, and my hatred of audiologists and hearing tests, my struggles to hear, and my embarrassment of my condition. She challenged me to face my fears and to get my hearing checked. YIKES. I am determined to follow through, to listen to her suggestion...no matter how freaked I am about the results. I'll do it before summer is over...yikes. I'm scared to see if the condition moved to the left ear...

But this idea of hearing and listening ponders more thoughts within myself. Ears are amazing and quite a gift. But SO many of us take advantage of listening well. How WELL are we listening??

Maybe not even too with "literal listening" but by listening to God. Are we willing and listening to what is in Gods word? Are we paying attention to His word? Or do we listen to what we want to hear, like in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 and fall short. And are we listening to what people aren't saying? So many questions, thoughts on listening. I may have a hearing loss, but I'm going to listen to what others aren't saying, and to listen and believe to what God is saying.