If only...

It all began with Adam and Eve...all the "cravings" and wanting what we cant have. UGH. "If only.."

Man we need to get rid of that thought...When you truely think about it, its funny how much our life is consumed by these the "what ifs" and "if onlys" in our life. "If only i were taller I would be a better volleyball player, if only I had enough money, if only i studied harder"....etc etc.

Why is it that we dwell on things here, and forgot the true purpose of why we are here on earth? Noel at Riverview reminded me of this. " Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."--1 John 2:15-17

God gives us our gifts. He gives us what we need. Our only and true craving should be with Him. Why is it so hard to focus on what we DONT have verses what we DO have? When it comes down to it, God really knows what is best for us.

I know I have been struggling with the "what if's", especially with graduation n all. But right now, I feel safe. content. happy. I may not be that RDH, but He blessed me with a job as an assistant and am living in EL with friends. Why is it that I focus on the "whys" and ignore that really its all His planning and his doing? I forget to focus my thoughts on Him, and get too consumed in "cravings", the comparasion of others, and unessisary fear of failure. God wont let me down. He may take me on paths with I dont see, or understand, but i need to remember to focus on what is in front of me, and ignore what isnt. Colossians 3:1-6

I want Him to change me, I want to get rid of the "what ifs" and "if only's". I want to look at what I "DO" have verses what i dont. I trust God and I want to feel my heart change.

I know there are going to be a lot of steps, prayers, confessions, to get where I want to be. I look forward to this unknown path im headed. Its going to be hard, dirty, scary, but I know I need to clean this heart out. And i know Gods gonna be my light throught the darkness.

its crazy where this blog went.