I have a hearing loss. Yup. I said it. :) Hearing loss in my right ear-severe to profound. Yup.
Not many people know this. Its something I have hidden from my entire life, but its something that affects me in every day since forever. Each whisper, note taking, group discussions, etc etc. I find myself piecing together conversations and hoping that's what they said, reading lips, and sometimes even smiling/laughing because I have no idea what they said, and didn't want people to know etc etc. Its quite exhausting, focusing and straining to listen all the time. With the hearing loss, I always felt different then everyone else, and I didn't want people to know me as the "deaf girl". I always felt so alone too, because no one knows what its like. I have a different condition. Hearing aids don't work, so its not visible. And the condition I have is something old people get, and my whole life,"your so young." after hearing why. And its frustrating too because i think i hear the word cat and you really said boat. I think this could be where I say random comments because i think I heard someone talking about something completely different.
This is something I want to embrace and fully accept. God created me the way He wanted me to be. I should be embracing Him, and thanking Him for even allowing me to hear in the other ear, and making me different.
I had the best conversations with Woj sunday. What a blessing she is, and she has amazing gifts & talents :) I shared with her about my hearing loss, and my hatred of audiologists and hearing tests, my struggles to hear, and my embarrassment of my condition. She challenged me to face my fears and to get my hearing checked. YIKES. I am determined to follow through, to listen to her suggestion...no matter how freaked I am about the results. I'll do it before summer is over...yikes. I'm scared to see if the condition moved to the left ear...
But this idea of hearing and listening ponders more thoughts within myself. Ears are amazing and quite a gift. But SO many of us take advantage of listening well. How WELL are we listening??
Maybe not even too with "literal listening" but by listening to God. Are we willing and listening to what is in Gods word? Are we paying attention to His word? Or do we listen to what we want to hear, like in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 and fall short. And are we listening to what people aren't saying? So many questions, thoughts on listening. I may have a hearing loss, but I'm going to listen to what others aren't saying, and to listen and believe to what God is saying.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
If only...
It all began with Adam and Eve...all the "cravings" and wanting what we cant have. UGH. "If only.."
Man we need to get rid of that thought...When you truely think about it, its funny how much our life is consumed by these the "what ifs" and "if onlys" in our life. "If only i were taller I would be a better volleyball player, if only I had enough money, if only i studied harder"....etc etc.
Why is it that we dwell on things here, and forgot the true purpose of why we are here on earth? Noel at Riverview reminded me of this. " Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."--1 John 2:15-17
God gives us our gifts. He gives us what we need. Our only and true craving should be with Him. Why is it so hard to focus on what we DONT have verses what we DO have? When it comes down to it, God really knows what is best for us.
I know I have been struggling with the "what if's", especially with graduation n all. But right now, I feel safe. content. happy. I may not be that RDH, but He blessed me with a job as an assistant and am living in EL with friends. Why is it that I focus on the "whys" and ignore that really its all His planning and his doing? I forget to focus my thoughts on Him, and get too consumed in "cravings", the comparasion of others, and unessisary fear of failure. God wont let me down. He may take me on paths with I dont see, or understand, but i need to remember to focus on what is in front of me, and ignore what isnt. Colossians 3:1-6
I want Him to change me, I want to get rid of the "what ifs" and "if only's". I want to look at what I "DO" have verses what i dont. I trust God and I want to feel my heart change.
I know there are going to be a lot of steps, prayers, confessions, to get where I want to be. I look forward to this unknown path im headed. Its going to be hard, dirty, scary, but I know I need to clean this heart out. And i know Gods gonna be my light throught the darkness.
its crazy where this blog went.
Man we need to get rid of that thought...When you truely think about it, its funny how much our life is consumed by these the "what ifs" and "if onlys" in our life. "If only i were taller I would be a better volleyball player, if only I had enough money, if only i studied harder"....etc etc.
Why is it that we dwell on things here, and forgot the true purpose of why we are here on earth? Noel at Riverview reminded me of this. " Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."--1 John 2:15-17
God gives us our gifts. He gives us what we need. Our only and true craving should be with Him. Why is it so hard to focus on what we DONT have verses what we DO have? When it comes down to it, God really knows what is best for us.
I know I have been struggling with the "what if's", especially with graduation n all. But right now, I feel safe. content. happy. I may not be that RDH, but He blessed me with a job as an assistant and am living in EL with friends. Why is it that I focus on the "whys" and ignore that really its all His planning and his doing? I forget to focus my thoughts on Him, and get too consumed in "cravings", the comparasion of others, and unessisary fear of failure. God wont let me down. He may take me on paths with I dont see, or understand, but i need to remember to focus on what is in front of me, and ignore what isnt. Colossians 3:1-6
I want Him to change me, I want to get rid of the "what ifs" and "if only's". I want to look at what I "DO" have verses what i dont. I trust God and I want to feel my heart change.
I know there are going to be a lot of steps, prayers, confessions, to get where I want to be. I look forward to this unknown path im headed. Its going to be hard, dirty, scary, but I know I need to clean this heart out. And i know Gods gonna be my light throught the darkness.
its crazy where this blog went.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
God=awesome.
God really is amazing, and i feel like I never give Him enough credit. I tend to be hard on him, "why God why" etc. But I should not be complaining to Him. He created me and knows exactly what is best for me. If i need to go through another trial to lead me to something better, I should be praising Him for it. Or if I have to wait. Or... Or... Or....
JAMES 1 : 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
God is my maker, and He knows exactly where I need to be. I am the one who keeps screwing it up and not trusting Him.
This new job reaaaally is a wake up call for His power and knowledge. This job, found me, and i KNOW God let that happen. I couldnt be any happier!!! Working as an assistant is hugely different than hygiene, but already I feel like I have grown. Practice is a LOT different than school- by a LONG shot. And this dentist, is GREAT.
God knows me better than ANYONE. and the words from my grandmas email today "No boyfriend/husband, no best friend, no parent, no matter how perfect, no one can meet all your needs or fulfill your desires (even those you don't even realize you have) nor give you fulfilling love & Joy but The Lord Jesus Christ!" Amen Gma! :)
JAMES 1 : 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
God is my maker, and He knows exactly where I need to be. I am the one who keeps screwing it up and not trusting Him.
This new job reaaaally is a wake up call for His power and knowledge. This job, found me, and i KNOW God let that happen. I couldnt be any happier!!! Working as an assistant is hugely different than hygiene, but already I feel like I have grown. Practice is a LOT different than school- by a LONG shot. And this dentist, is GREAT.
God knows me better than ANYONE. and the words from my grandmas email today "No boyfriend/husband, no best friend, no parent, no matter how perfect, no one can meet all your needs or fulfill your desires (even those you don't even realize you have) nor give you fulfilling love & Joy but The Lord Jesus Christ!" Amen Gma! :)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Live a life of love
"Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love" -2 John 1:6
I feel i do a pretty good job with this one, but the rest of the world...not so much. You see on t.v. the horrible stories of deaths, rapes, disease, poor economy, stealing, war, divorce, etc. etc. Whatever happened to love? Where is the love?
The more i think of it, i think it might come down to this...the saying we have all heard over and over again as said in Galatians 5:14 "Love your neighbor as yourself."
I have never really understood this concept, because I usually always fall short on loving myself. I dont really know why.
But when you think about do we really truely love ourselves? God has blessed us with such a gift, and everyday we arent loving ourselves. We misuse, mistreat our own bodies with unhealthy choices with lies, drugs, sex, anorexia, cheating, purging, stealing, alcohol, grease, grime, ect ect. We are all so self consumed of negativity and self destruction, its no wonder people in this world dont love our neighbors.
I know I can honestly say I try to live a life of love towards others...however, i sometimes fall short with myself. I dont know why.
I feel i do a pretty good job with this one, but the rest of the world...not so much. You see on t.v. the horrible stories of deaths, rapes, disease, poor economy, stealing, war, divorce, etc. etc. Whatever happened to love? Where is the love?
The more i think of it, i think it might come down to this...the saying we have all heard over and over again as said in Galatians 5:14 "Love your neighbor as yourself."
I have never really understood this concept, because I usually always fall short on loving myself. I dont really know why.
But when you think about do we really truely love ourselves? God has blessed us with such a gift, and everyday we arent loving ourselves. We misuse, mistreat our own bodies with unhealthy choices with lies, drugs, sex, anorexia, cheating, purging, stealing, alcohol, grease, grime, ect ect. We are all so self consumed of negativity and self destruction, its no wonder people in this world dont love our neighbors.
I know I can honestly say I try to live a life of love towards others...however, i sometimes fall short with myself. I dont know why.
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