Look where we are now.

Writing has and will always be a passion of mine. And right now im on "flu recovery" and did a little writing. However, as I laid around the past couple days, I went through old papers, letters, poems, short clips etc i had written. And I came across a page long poem I wrote a while ago, a huge shoutout for help. I am speechless from the words that came out. I will not put the whole poem because its between the pen and paper, but I will include the first line....

"My smiles disguises
What I'm really thinking.
My eyes reflection
Holds a hidden confession"

and last line....

"I cant understand what im feeling
Acting in ways so unappealing
Putting up a front, pretending
Waiting, hoping,
I cant keep defending
Someone come find me
This train has fallen off track
Someone come find me
And put me back"

Is I read the words, I remember. I remember the pain. I remember the rock bottom feeling. The uselessness. Looking in all the wrong places and finding nothing. The hopeless feeling. The tears that no longer fell. The feeling alone.

Its amazing to look back at this poem I wrote, and to see where I am now.

God has reshaped this heart of mine. He has wiped the tears. Listened to my cries. Erased my fears. Took control. Became my escape. Healed my bruises. Gave me hope. Made this train go back on track.

I hope that i never go back to where I once was. I actually dont think I could from what I know and feel in my heart. I praise God for bringing me back to life. To being who I was made to be. There are times when I think, ok God what now and have moments where I stumble. But I think its good to look back and say, wow...God, look where we are now.