Please smile down on me, I'm smiling for You

1 year

2011-10-31T01:23:00.004-04:00

it is offically the start of my second year in colorado. God sure is amazing. Thank you God for your unpredictable, amazing, ever loving plans. You know the plans you have for me, and i thank you for them. I pray for another fantastic adventurous year. :):):)

Appreciating psalm 23

2011-07-21T00:41:00.003-04:00

Campaigners was really great tonight. :)

When i was individually reading, I once again fell upon Psalm 23. I keep opening and reading that. But tonight, I grasped a part which I havent quite apreciated until tonight.

I know this line by heart, and say it all the time, and I think it makes me skim over the rest.. I say this 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Tonight I opened my heart, and read again and grasped this next line... "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me". Ive been recently praying for wisdom, direction and confidence as a leader. I feel inadequate, especially when I look at others knowledge and understanding of the bible, and people ask questions that I dont know how to answer. man do I appreciate those questions, but it questions my ability as a leader.

But to appreciate the verse, I thought huh..God is my staff..He is the one guiding me. I can lean on Him. I can be comforted to know that I dont have to have the answers, to be knowledgeable, because God is leading the way. He is my staff, and will lead me to be a better guide so i can be a better leader. No need to fret my inadequcies, that God will "guide me in paths of righteousness for his names sake" and will show the way. He will give me wisdom, courage, and accept humbleness of not knowing the answers.

I am Yours.

2011-04-25T01:12:00.003-04:00

All of creation....sing with me now....

Was once lost, but now am found. was blind but now i see.

Amazing love. how can it be? That you my King would die for me??

Our God, is an awesome God!!!

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

I will fear no evil, for my God is with me!!

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Your grace is enough

I will lift my eyes to the maker...

Everyone, you dont have to run, you dont have to hide from grace

Beautiful Lord, awesome and mighty, your worth brings me to my knees

You are holy. Holy. Holy.

Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe.

My redeemer lives!

O praise the one who paid my debt and raised His life up from the dead.

My chains are gone, Ive been set free, my God my savior, has randsomed me.

Unending love, amazing grace

I could sing of your love forever...

Cant stop worshiping. Praise Him for His plans and purpose. happy easter. :)

What do I have to lose?

2011-04-20T01:32:00.003-04:00

Younglife Club was really great last night. Being a new leader now at Cherry Creek, however makes me laugh because I remember when I first started leading back in Michigan.

I remembered talking to kids, and having them walk away from you when you were talking because their friend came or someone cooler is there, Or standing akwardly in the lunchroom and so on. And its hard to find that courage to put yourself in those akward situations, yet here I am, giving it a whirl here in Colorado. I mean, what do I have to lose anyway???

It took me a while to decide to be a leader again. I LOVED leading wyldlife in Michigan, and was scared to do Younglife here. Being in a new state, new city, having no friends and not really knowing anyone, starting new job new everything, the idea of being a leader as well made me reaaally nervous.

But I prayed for a long time about it, met with the area director about it and questioned myself time and time again. When it came to it, I realized I was putting in too many excuses in the equation. I was afraid. Afraid of not being good enough, afraid I wouldnt have time because I had SO much crazy stuff going on, afraid I was too old compared to the other leaders, afraid of failing, afraid and doubting myself because I dont always remember bible verses, am terrible with club talks, or that I always make the right decisions and so on and so forth.

Brad our area director kept pursing me, and I continued to pray. As I prayed, I thought you know, there is a reason why Brad hasnt given up on me...and there was a reason why God placed it on my heart to even consider doing it..I thought what did I have to lose? Nothing really...What changed my heart is thinking of why I would be a good leader. I mean, it only shows how human we are, and how much we really need to rely on God. It holds me accountable. I think of all the mistakes i have made, think of my story, and thought of how awesome it would be to share my stories about about God to help them not make the same mistakes I have. How cool it would be for these High School kids to know God and to have Him in their lives..How much better life would be for them! And I was excited for the relationships i was going to create, and how much JOY I get when I can help someone and so on. I thought about how much JOY i get when i am around people, and how God is opening this HUGE opportunity to love and be create relationships. It was a really cool feeling when i realized this, because I was excited. I know I fail at things, But I KNOW God doesnt.

And to answer the question, what do I have to lose?? Nothing. Because I know that I have God, and He will not fail me. I may not look forward to stand akwardly in a lunchroom or at club or kids not liking me or whatever, but I am excited for it. Because I know God has a purpose in me. And i know I will make a difference in peoples lives, even if they dont see now. And it comes down to the Younglife slogan, I was made for this. :) It is so true.

I was made to love God, and to love on kids.

I pray to God that He will use me as a light and example as a follower of Jesus.

dreams.

2011-04-13T23:58:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I cant beleive I am where I am. It amazes me, when I look back, and think wow. Gods plan is so good. I couldnt plan anything the way He does. I have dreamed about living in Colorado. Ever since I was a little kid. I remember discussions with one of my friends after graduation saying I wanted to move to Colorado.

God will always make our dreams come true. In His time. In His way. Our dreams may not look exactly the way we had intended them, but God plans it better. I can recall so many times where I was like really God?? But now when I look back I think...Oh. I get it. :) Ha. It just blows my mind.

Anyways, Found this really amazing article at http://junialeigh.wordpress.com/2010/05/27/acheiving-your-god-given-dream/ and there is one quote that stuck out to me... "A lot of us would have given up AFTER having gone through just one of these tests. And that reason is the reason why many dreams from God never materialize...we give up too soon."

Have faith my friends. With God, all things are possible.

excitedddd

2011-03-31T00:37:00.003-04:00

So God is so cool. I still cant beleive I live here in Colorado. And get to enjoy the comforts of the Niedzinski home, yet embrace the uncertainty and unfamiliar life I am learning here. Praise God for his never failing love and His plans and the purpose He has for me. I am doing a bible study with an amazing fellow Michigander named Alicia. I met her out here, thanks for friends of friends. Her like me, embraced this calling to come to Colorado. Im excited to get to know her more, and appreciate and am greatful for her friendship. We are starting to do random adventures on the weekends to get aquainted with Colorado. One weekend we went snowshoeing for the first time, another weekend we visited the Coors brewery and red rocks ampitheater. But, anyways, I was driving one day and was listening to K Love christian radio, and heard about a Switchfoot concert playing at red rocks ampitheater. Instantly thought to call Alicia, for us to look into it. Check this out! www.thecallingconference.org Little did we know, it not only is a Switchfoot concert, but a conference with speakers and bands all calling out to God. I couldnt be more stoked to be not only going to this concert, but being able to worship God in such an amazing backdrop, to be able to within the beauty of His creation, to be able to boast his beautiful majestic creation. I have chills thinking about it. and we are going with 10 people to the concert! So excited! :)

enjoy the struggle

2011-03-19T17:45:00.003-04:00

Colorado is amazing. I praise God daily for bringing me here. I praise Him for his challenge, this adventure He presented me. I've been stripped away from all of my known comforts....job, family, friends, home, city, state, church, and so on. But its teaching me to rely on Him. To go to Him first...even when He is silent. Hes teaching me more things than I ever thought imaginable. I have slipped up a few times here, but its something Hes teaching me slowly. I cant have all the answers now, even when I pray for comforts and friends and answers. :) Its not easy, and Im learning, thats Hes who I cling to when I am lonely. When Im scared. When I feel loved. When Im happy. When I feel blessed. Which these are emotions I feel daily. My emotions are as uncertain and always changing as is my surroundings. Its definitly a struggle, some days easier than others, but I am learning. I am learning more about me. about colorado. about Him. I need to not only be patient with Him, but to be patient with ME. To ignore MY WANTS and what I NEED, and what HE can do for ME, but what I CAN DO FOR HIM.

To quote an amazing friend of mine....enjoy the struggle. :) and THAT...I plan to do. Hugs.

time flies

2011-03-05T23:10:00.003-05:00

Wow. its been MONTHS since my last post. And sooo much happens in such that time. Heres a quick sum up...full of working, amazing friends, amazing family, leaps of faith, and amazing adventues.

June-took AMAZING girls to Wyldlife camp at Timberwolf lake. Took a trip with my family to Colorado for a family reunion...amaazing.
July-nothing too intense, work, friends family
August- blahh working away
September-Younglife leader weekend retreat to Timberwolf Lake. Met Shelley Sandler from Denver,CO the speaker for the weekend.......a sign possibly? :):)
October- quit my job and took a leap of faith and moved to Colorado!! My mom and I took a roadtrip and traveled to Colorado--my new home on October 26th. Packed my bags and left for my new adventure :)
November-The job hunting began...experienced my first thanksgiving without my mom, dad and siblings, but had the blessing to share it with the Niedzinskis!
December-LANDED A JOB!! Only a month in....PRAISE GOD. a general dental office. www.drpatdds.com. Couldnt feel more blessed, my boss is awesome!!! Had the opportunity to go home for a few days to celebrate christmas. Unfortunally, it was such a short visit, i missed alot of friends.
January-Spent new years day with Uncle Jerry and Lauren at Copper mountain. We skied in negative 15 degree weather!!! So fun!
February-Nicole came for a visit!!!! :) We skiied vail and copper mountain in 18 inches of powder!! so cool!

MARCH!!!! Holy smokes!! Where did time go????? more to come

beauty.

2010-05-31T21:38:00.003-04:00

could it really be a whole month since i checked this? wow. i have a ton of blogs to catch up on with my friends and family.

anywhooo I just started reading captivating. A quick clip i wanted to share.

"Every woman has a beauty to unveil. Every woman. Because she bears the image of God. She doesn't have to conjure it, go get it from a salon, have plastic surgury or breast implants. No, beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation."

"We didnt say that a woman is prized only for her good looks. We did not say that a woman is here merely to complete a man, therefore a single women is somehow missing her destiny. What we said was, first, that Eve is the crown of creation. There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman. We tried to reveal the immeasureable dignity, the holiness of your feminine heart by showing that it is GOD who longs for romance, it is GOD who longs to be our ezer, it is GOD who reveals beauty as essential to live. You are the image bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too.. THERE IS A RADIANCE HIDDEN IN YOUR HEART THAT THE WORLD DESPERATELY NEEDS."

Kabam.

I am beautiful. You are beautiful. The world desperately needs our beauty.

BAPTIZIM! :)

2010-05-01T14:26:00.003-04:00

Last night, I was baptized in the name of the Father, the son, the holy spirit by one of my best friends Katie Sweeney.

Words really cannot even come close to describe my emotions, thoughts, feelings and so on... 7 people including myself were baptized last night at the last Younglife Leadership meeting. Praise God!

What an amazing feeling to witness Christ in so many people...not only could I feel Christ, but I could see Him pouring out of the eyes and smiles of the baptizimers. Love was truely evident last night.

I stand by what I said last night, too long I have been talking the talk...I want to walk the walk.

God gave me life. And I will live my life for you.

made new

2010-04-30T00:30:00.001-04:00

Im getting baptized tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

God hear our prayers

2010-04-19T21:54:00.003-04:00

Hear our cries Lord,
Hear our prayers
Take our burdens
Calm our fears

God will you make us
A people that love you
Please take our offering
That we set before You
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through
God, hear our prayers to You

In our weakness,
You remain
When we're broken
You sustain

God will you make us
A people that love you
Please take our offerings
That we set before you
God hear our prayers
We're lifting them up to you
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through

God hear our prayers
We lift them to you.
God hear our prayers
Lord make our hearts true
Will you make our hearts true?

Hear our prayers Lord

God will you make us
A people that love You
Please take our offerings
That we set before you
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You
God see our tears
That were struggling to see through
God hear our prayers
As we lift them to heaven
We're praying that angels
Receive and embrace them
The hopes of the empty
The cries of the broken
We're reaching our hands out
Oh Lord will You hold them?

God hear our prayers. We are crying out to you. God we might not understand your plans, but hear ours prayers. And we will continue to pray. So God hear our prayers. Were lifting them up to you.

Talents

2010-04-13T23:52:00.005-04:00

Matthew 25:14-30.

As I lay here, and listen to my friend's amazing piano and singing on myspace, the parable of the talents came to mind. Matthew 25:14-30.

We are all given talents from God, and it is up to us how we use it. Some may be small, or great, but its important is when we use those talents, we glorify God. God is happiest when we use these talents with passion.

I am surrounded by so many talented, gifted people in my life. I could go on forever, but to give two examples;

My friend, Josh Dadd, recently moved to Nashville, TN, embracing his passion and gift of music. When you listen, you can hear his passion screaming out it in his voice and every time he presses a piano key. http://www.myspace/jdaddband

My Grandma, who recently wrote a book, embracing her passion of God and family through her talent of stories and writing. You can read and feel her love pouring through the pages
I could go on all night about all the people in my life who are ever so talented in so many ways.

One thing i know is that my friends were given the talent to put up with me!! Am I ever greatful for their talents of love, friendship, smiles, laughter, tears, dreams, goals, etc etc ect. I wish I could share about them all, post pictures of them all, but i really dont have enough time or space :) Too many people in my life I love!!!! For now i praise them for gifts, and how many of them use their gifts for the glory of God. What great examples they are to me. :) I love you. :)

Hows your love life?

2010-04-07T22:33:00.003-04:00

I was just recently asked how my love life was. HA. what love life? :) and this person went on about dating, ect ect and im thinking UGH. Yet again another reminder that I am single, dont have a boyfriend, not married, etc. And what an unfair question "hows your love life??" is.

BUT the way I really want to reply is ... its amazing and great. I have friends and family I see and talk to on a weekly basis that I LOVE and cant ever get enough of and just not enough time to see. I am creating new and continuing old relationships and am daily surrounded by people i LOVE. Every day at work, I spread my LOVE to children with my passion of dentisty and the gifts God gave me. At wyldlife, leadership..ect ect. everywhere I go, I have LOVE in my life.

So asking how my love life is, in my opinion, is an unfair question. :) I may not have a boyfriend or a husband or whatever, but I can tell you there sure are people in my life that i feel LOVE and FRIENDSHIP with, which reminds me daily why God is so good. And God has plans and purpose for me. Someday my man will come, God willing. But for now, it poses the question, "I am feeling the love? Am I spreading the love?? Truely...how is YOUR love life??"

"This is what I tell you to do: Love each other just as I have loved you. No one can have greater love than to give his life for his friends." -John 15:12-13

heart so full :)

2010-03-21T22:09:00.003-04:00

today is one of those days I dont want to end. :) Went to church, had a great running buddy, FINALLY gave a friend her christmas present, relaxed at home, had dinner with my teammate and had a BLAST at wyldlife club. and now i just got done eating a 3 minute cake with my roommates.

check out www.dizzy-dee.com/recipe/chocolate-cake-in-5-minutes. SOOOO cool!!!!

My heart is so full at this moment. :)

when the crazzies of tomorrow come, I will think of the joyous moments i had today adn how beautiful the sun is when it shines. and i look forward to hangin out with some wyldlife girls at we the kings concert tomorrow! :) YES

Today's bible verse came up and i wanted to share it.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; it leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." -Jeremiah 17:7-8

I love you too.

2010-03-16T22:41:00.004-04:00

God is love.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
--1 John 4:7-8

"We love, because he FIRST loved us." -1 John 4:19

God IS love. I may not fully know what love is, but the more I am reading and learning, I feel closer to God, and coming closer to understanding the word. There is so much I dont know about God, but there is one thing I do know....that God loves me, and loves ALL.

We often use the word love in daily conversation.."I love that movie." or even "I love riding bikes." The definition we think of love is NOWHERE near the kind of love Jesus has for us, that we sometimes cant understand how much He truely loves us. I can easily name people who are in my life that I love. And one could ask, how do you know? And you could says words, but really, you can just feel it. An unexplainable emotion. One thing too I know is that God has someone here for me, someday, in His time and His will. However, no one, no one, could ever compare to God's love, and the evergrowing love I have towards Christ. He forever will be my number one.

As i sit, I wonder...why do I love Jesus? And I wonder how many times the word LOVE is used in the bible? I am sure the word love is used plenty, because Jesus so portrays and expresses love. Love seriously should be our top priority in all we do.

One huge thing too that I praise God by saying I love you God, but I really should be saying "I love you too." Because He loves me, and Jesus, I love you too. :)

power of prayers

2010-03-14T22:16:00.003-04:00

we are in hard times right now. just look around and you can see it...you turn on the television and your hear about another natural disaster, another forclosure, unemployment, disease, famine, school closings, etc ect.

my family decided in times like this how important it is to put on the full armor of God. God only leads us into battle if we are are prepared to win. So we need to be prepared.

So as an extended family, we are going to work with Christ and stand as one to help our family members (friends as well.) We designated Thursday's, as a day to re-prioritize whats important. To simplify our day, and to remember we live and serve for God's glory, and remember the power of prayer.

We are going to fast and pray as a spiritual disipline for family memebers that need healing every Thursday.

umm. i just wanna be me.

2010-03-10T21:09:00.006-05:00

I had my first experience with subbing today. Let me tell you...it was an experience, and thats putting it in nice terms.

It definitly woke me up as to what I have been studying this week. I'll start by sharing a small piece of my experience. Lets just say before the day even began, I was taken aback. So this dentist I was helping out shared with me the day before that I needed to wear black pants and a white button down top to work. I shared with her that I wasnt sure if I had those, but would do my best and that I had my lab coat to wear too. So I came to work with black pants, a white top (no buttons) and my lab coat. I walk in, and the first thing she says is, "take your coat off, its wrinkly you cant wear that. The she says, hike up your pants and tuck your shirt in. Then she goes, i dont like that shirt, and gets a shirt thats hers to wear." ummmmmmmmmm.

So that was the morning-before the day even started!! talk about me being intimidated and nervous!!! After we dismissed the patient for the day, she says thank you, and I go get my keys and coat. Then she approaches me and says,"being a woman in the workplace is tough. And you being a young woman, well that is tough too. People dont look at you with much authority." She then procceeded to tell me that in the workforce women need to present themselves and wear makeup and have their hair nice and clothes look nice. UMMM. excuse me???? there was a little babble about my attire blah blah blah and i stopped listening because i was so taken aback. In my mind, i did what she asked (wore black) and freaking helped her out!!

Never in my life have I felt so small. words cant really explain my feelings. She might as well told me I looked like crap. I was so stoked that I helped someone out, and i was crushed. I was even a little off to begin with in the morning because of the start i had. Maybe im looking into this too deeply, but i cant help how I feel. Im sorry, but in my opinion, that was NOT okay to do.

and with that, it made me really look at myself and think...am I ok? Do I look professional? Do people take me seriously? Should I wear makeup and present myself?? Because in my head, I think it is more important to BE qualified than LOOK qualified. This person judged me from square one and didnt even give me a CHANCE to be me. UGG. And i felt the urge to share, well i dont wear dress pants to work, i thought you wear scrubs, ect ect etc. but i kept my mouth shut.

In our culture, there is SO much expectations, and people who look down on you, judge you. And its so easy to get sucked into being something your not. To presenting yourself as something, but really feel something different.

I just saw a commercial for Old Navy, and its said,"dont give up your dream of being fake.." seriously??

I was so hurt by today..but im trying to not let it get to me. God created me for a purpose. He LOVES me as who I am. He loves that I wear headbands in my hair, dont wear makeup and wear cute scrubs to work. You know, I shouldnt be ashamed of who I am. And I shouldnt let the rejection of others weigh me down in guilt and self doubt.

I feel a lot better letting this out. Ive had my share of "pretending" to be something Im not...and it doesnt work out right or good. Its better to just be yourself. And I thought I'd end this post with one of my favorites...

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." -Dr. Suess.

Let it be to you.

2010-03-03T23:16:00.002-05:00

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galations 5:1

God didnt not intend us to be held captive by anything; He wants us to be free. Currently, I am in the process of breaking free of things I am feeling captivated by. And a lot of them I am finding, I didnt know was.

I speak for myself, but Im sure others feel the same way...that we dont deserve to be free. We carry around our "baggage" and are excuse is, "thats just who I am." or "Im a failure anyway." and get sucked in.

STOP LISTENING TO THE DEVILS LIES! The devil knows how to get under our skin, deep within our deepest closets of crap.

My mom ALWAYS tells me, you are what you think you are. And you know what....that is great advice. If i think I look like crap, Im going to feel like crap too. If i feel like Im going to fail a test, well with that attitude, Im one step closer to it. and so on. And when i think thoughts like, "Im a failure.." well the devil freakin wins. I need to train this heart to not listen to the lies. I AM WORTHY...because God lets me be.

So why do we hide in our "baggage" and not lift it up to Him? In Genesis 3:8-13, Adam hides himself because he was afraid and because he was naked. Or even in 1 Samuel 10:22, he hides himself among the baggage.

Why do we hide? Whether its hiding in the baggage, or hiding behind it, why?? What are we afraid of?

No matter what, God loves us. And will always love us.

To end this note, in Matthew 9:28-29, "And when He had come into the house, the blind man came to Him. And Jesus said, "Do you beleive that I am able to do this?" They said t0 Him, Yes Lord. Then He touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith, let it be to you."

According to your faith, let it be to you......

running.

2010-03-01T22:07:00.002-05:00

Ive been having a lot of blah days lately for reasons I dont know why. And today was one of those days....but a PERFECT day for a run.

I ran 4 miles today. And it was much needed. It was subconciously needed...because when I got a good 1/2 mile in, emotions came pouring out. I ran 2 miles, completly bawling. Couldnt say ive EVER done that, but I needed it I guess. Im sure I looked like a crazy person as cars drove by on Holt road, but I didnt even notice. It was one of those moments where I couldnt stop, and had absolutly no idea why.

The last 2 miles were very peaceful. The sun was shining across the snow glazed open country fields, with nothing but my shadow following me. and it was great.

But having done, I feel completly better. however, my legs are rather sore. :)

Being vulnerable

2010-02-22T21:33:00.004-05:00

Feelings. Something about sharing thoughts, feelings, emotions makes you feel vulnerable. And most of the time, they never quite come out the way you want them to. But thats ok. Im so greatful for all of my friends, but one of my friends, and Im pretty sure i thanked him for the first time ever.

When we'd talk, the questions "hows God today." always seemed to pop up. and I honestly couldnt tell you what I'd reply. It could of been lies I was telling myself (ignoring the truth) or the truth. I dont remember. But besides the fact, this person for me was the start of finding the light. and actually the person who brought my family to a church we all love so much.

Its funny to look back at old notes and journals and see how much we search for God, even if its not wholeheartedly, or even if its all the wrong places. Flipping through pages, its funny how often my friends are in them, and such examples they were to me, or how some were setting me up to stay trapped. As I was still living my life as a lie caught in bondage, my notes reflected my deep emotions. However I at one point came to a realization from one of my friends. Hed always share about God in such a way that one day I quote,"I want faith like that! Why cant I have faith like that?" And it hit me then....that I could.

I can be like Christ! Too often I doubted my gifts, listened to the devil, denighed the word of God, looked at my faults and mistakes, and kept doubting God. Just as Peter doubted Jesus in the book of Matthew, we can be like Jesus. "O you of so little faith."

Its funny how God will always pursue us. It is CLEAR as to what God has done for us, and someday He will set a passion in you. It might take a few years, but eventually the passion will just take over your heart.

This ever long awaiting is here. This passion, this unstoppable flame, is on fire. This desire to be like Jesus, to have the faith like my friend. I know I want someone to be able to look at me, and think she yup, she is a Jesus follower. At church a few weeks ago really stuck out to me. it was something like 1% read the bible, and 99% read the Christian. In a way that is true. From what Ive learned and observed from the people in my life, I have gained so much. So much as to now I am turning to His word. I pray to be more Christlike...to be humble, serve and not be served, and let those who slap me slap the other cheek, and show the ones I love...that I love them. And love them all with my ever God loving heart.

I pray that I will be as good of an example to others as to what my friends have been for me. And God....I thank you for such loving people in my life.

nothing secret...is ever secret.

2010-02-18T23:21:00.003-05:00

Trust.

Ugg. Why is that such a hard concept for me to grasp?? Maybe its because I think of all the experiences and what i believe trust means. Maybe its because of all the people who have hurt me, and have abused my trust, taken advantage, and so on that I'm having a hard time letting someone wholeheartedly in life and ultimately trusting and have faith in. People lie, sin, gossip, cheat, confess, rumors, share secrets, break promises and so on...I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't alone with having issues with wholeheartedly trusting God.

This is where I need to remember that my relationship with Christ is like no other relationship I've experienced here. Yes, there are pieces and glimpses of Him within people and moments here, but He is like no other. He is God, my savior, the one I CAN trust. He is the one I should cry to, to confess to, to share secrets with, and believe He won't tell, will give me comfort, and will love me nonetheless.

Without Him, I am weak. I am learning and growing to trust Him.

GO USA

2010-02-14T17:54:00.004-05:00

Olympics. :) Ive done nothing but sit and watch the olympics. I hardly ever watch t.v. and im glued to it today!! haha Go USA :)

Happy valentines day! :)

4 thoughts.

2010-02-07T19:31:00.004-05:00

4 thoughts tonight....

4. In college, I would read bible verses and look up verses online. Now, however, I stick to the old fashioned way, by picking up a bible. This may sound silly, but I am now finding that as I flip through pages, I feel God and like I'm taking time and having a relationship with Him. Not only that, but it reminds me that no matter how technological, advanced and crazy our world gets, the Bible, and God remains the same...and is constant.

3. The bible study am I doing, gave me an incredible God lightbulb A HA moment. Beth Moore was sharing about the possibility of baggage and bondage is being passed down generationally, etc etc. So I want to change that. Direct quote from her, "I resolved to do anything and everything God willed-no matter how difficult-to make sure my two precious pups would not grow up to walk like their mother--the victim." This is something I want to take to heart. These middle schoolers may not be my children, but I am someone who carries baggage and bondage, and i wouldnt want any of them to be affected by it. Or to have their baggage and bondage themselves. As Beth said again, "I pray that if they walk like me now, they will walk wholeheartedly in liberty with God. I have found freedom right next to His side." I pray God uses me as a light for His glory.

2. I just had a sleepover last night with the east lansing middle schoolers Jocie and I lead at my house. I used to question myself as a leader, but now I know, I was made for this. :) I slept 4 hours last night, and may be in bed at 7:30 on a Sunday night, exausted, tired, however, I couldnt feel more alive, full and awake in my heart. :) Praise God.

1. Lastly, God is just so great. Im looking forward to spending each day smiling with God. Things are SO good right now, and I only pray that when things arent great, for His sake, that I will continually praise and give Him glory.

Hugs.

Leap of Faith

2010-02-03T22:05:00.002-05:00

Recently, I went out to lunch with my amazing friend Woj. :) Not only was the conversation enlighting and great, but I was so impressed with her willingness to take a chance. I took her to Sahara's, a middle eastern resturant, somewhere she'd never been or eaten before. I dont know about you, but when you look at some Middle Eastern meals, it doesnt always look so appetizing..

Her ability to trust me and my judgement of food was incredible and her willingness to try something different. It really made me sit back and think about when was the last time I took a chance, or trusted someone on something i didnt know about...

It also made me think, am i taking that leap of faith? Am I truely trusting God? Am I willing to do something to push me out of my comfort zone? Am I? So thats now my moment of prayers, is for me to trust God, and to make that jump.

:(

2010-01-31T23:00:00.003-05:00

Life's short. I had the reminder of that as a fellow dental hygiene classmate of mine passed away on Thursday. My heart and prayers goes out to her family, and friends. I cant find words to express my thoughts and feelings on this matter. She was 25 years old, and its hard to not feel sad for those who are left behind. But we are reminded that life here is only temporary. That we again shall meet...in a better place. God has plans for us all, and although we fight the "whys" and more, we really dont know what tomorrow will be. But for now, we need to remember to embrace life...embrace living each moment with God, and embrace living life to the fullest, and using the talents we have towards others. Live. Laugh. and most importantly LOVE.

Stacy Meyers, you will be missed. Your heart of gold and welcoming smile will forever be remembered.

under your skin

2010-01-25T22:25:00.002-05:00

I hate how the devil just knows how to get you. Things can be going so strong with God, yet he just knows all too well how to get under your skin. He knows your insecurities and at a moment you are weak, he comes unwelcomed.

I woke without pushing snooze for the first time in a long time this morning. Woke up, had a great breakfast and made it to work by 7. today was going to be a great day...

Nope.

But tomorrow is a new day. I am finding I am needing God in all times, and need to constantly pray to him.... "put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the devil."

As my walk with Jesus becomes closer, it only makes the devil want to get me even more. the devil wants me to NOT glorify God. I am going to have to be ready and alert at all times for his sneak attacks.

Its funny, I saw a commerical for a diet with a little blue monster that keeps popping up and the girl just shuts the monster away. Made me think of what I need to do... :) Shut the devil away with "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworty-think about such things."-Phil 4:8.

God, prayers to the Japinga family.

writing

2010-01-21T23:16:00.003-05:00

I havent written in a while. I wrote a poem last night...and im going to share a few lines. If you wanna read the whole thing, drop me an e-mail.

"Your the unbrella
When the weight of the world
falls down like rain
preventing me
from going insaine

you are the bridge
when the world
falls out of place
With open arms
to me
you always embrace. "

God is so cool :)

baby its cooold outside.

2010-01-10T00:21:00.001-05:00

-2 degrees. wow thats wicked :) Had great company here at the house tonight. it was great. I love how being around people just brings joy to my heart. Looking forward to what this new week brings.

Story.

2010-01-06T21:46:00.010-05:00

Story.

Everyone has a story to share. The 80 year old man with his whimsical jokes and war stories, the grandmother with stories of joy and laughter and cooking recipies, the new mother and baby moments, to the 4 year old sharing about her day at school. The thing I find the most intriguing is not everyones story is heard. Not enough people are willing to hear, to listen, or lend an ear to peoples experiences. Each memory and experience had shaped and added personality a person contains. Each freckle reflects endless memories in the sunshine, crows feet to reflect each moment spent laughing. Anyone and everyone can learn from each other; it is up to us to ask, to listen, and to learn from them.

From people I have personally met or heard stories from others, have shared many things with me. I may have not always follow the advice they gave, but after experiencing some things on my own, I wish I would have listened. The life lessons from our elders, peers, parents and grandparents really do reflect the experiences we come across in our own life, regardless of how silly it may seem at the time. 1 Peter 5:8-0 "Be sober, viliginate, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." I remember rolling my eyes at my parents as a kid, thinking o great another lecture. But as I grow older, I will get better at listening and remember to listen.

History; a topic I thoroughly hated growing up. This is something horrible to admit, but its true. Granted I loved hearing stories from my grandpa and was intrigued by the memorials in D.C, but i never really appreciated or actually understood history. But when it comes down to it, everything one does changes and affects the future. The decisions and the actions one makes is a cause and effect to the future. If Nixon was never president, would the Watergate scandle ever exisited? What if Martin Luther King never shared his dream? How would that of changed history? I find it amazing how the decisions and choices we make not only affect ourselves, but can also affect those around us. There are a LOT of people who have greatly impacted my life, mostly for the better. And i am sure I know i have adjusted peoples lives, whether in a good way, or not.

Whats important with people's story, is that in each story..there is God. Right in the middle. in the crap, the good, etc etc in the story.

***G***

ST*O*R Y

***D***

This weekend, I had the blessing to hear a story; the story of an incredible woman. How much she loved people. How she was loved. and so on. Daisy.

What an inspirational person. It was so great to hear stories about her, and to learn and see what an amazing woman she was. I might not of known her well, but I know she is someone I want to be like. Someone to look up to, to learn from, and to remember. Her positive attitude and perspective on life is one to mimic. Daisy has spread her "seeds" to us all, and it is up to us to enrich the "seeds" and gifts she gave us, and to spread our own. I know there is a lot of "daisy" in me, and Im going to work on making the daisy in me shine. Her story is one I will share, learn from, and spread.

Matt 13:31 "Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants...." Simply put...plant seeds in the seeds of people and of Gods word through love.

Thank you Daisy for your faith, attitude and hope, and especially, for showing us all how to love. Have fun dancing, singing, sewing, and loving in heaven :)

Power of Prayer.

2009-12-13T21:19:00.004-05:00

"Pray as though everything depends on God. Work as though everything depends on you." -St. Augustine.

This was a quote that really stuck out to me today at church... I find myself working so hard...but forgetting the most important thing...the power of prayer.

When you look in the bible, many people put prayer as a first priority. I remember from studying the book of Daniel, he is a huge example of this. In Daniel 6:10 it says, "he went into his house with his window open towards Jerualem, he knelt down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God..."

Or even Nehemiah, whom we talked about it church, how he cried out for help for being mocked.

In Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be open." Ask. Seek. Persist in prayer.

A crutial part to prayer, is in 1 John 1:9. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Thinking about this quote has really got me thinking about prayer. God. and so much more. A funny picture came into my head at one point today. I was thinking about that stupid energizer bunny. it can run and run and run and work ALL day, but the battery is EVENTUALLY going to fail. Without the power of the battery, its not going to work. Just as us...we can work and work and work, but without the power of God, the power of prayer, we will fail.

I feel like this quote is implying a balance between my prayers and my actions. And that it depends on me and my prayer, and the power of God to fulfil anything.

Its like saying, everything could come down to me, and my power of prayer. People are depending on me, and my God. And I am depending on God.

therapy

2009-12-03T23:55:00.006-05:00

It was funny when I was laying in bed last night my mind was twirling. I was like God i wish I had a therapist, someone who i could just talk to who I could just bitch and complain to, share my worries, concerns, fears, etc. I have so much going on! Granted I have friends who are amazing and do so much for me and put up with my crap, but sometimes i feel bad putting it on their shoulders! but anyways, after I had this thought i was like DUH!!. God is my therapist. God is anything and anyone I need. He is there always. and is always there listening and by my side.

2009-12-01T20:50:00.003-05:00

God is great.

Thats all.

serve

2009-11-15T22:03:00.002-05:00

Mark 10:42-45 " Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Being a volunteer this weekend at Timberwolf Lake was so great. I enjoyed serving others and seeing God in everyone around me. People truely were leading by example and i know i learned from watching serve adn show love and by talking to others.

Live a life of love.

I wish i didnt have so much reading/hw to do otherwise id go into it more. maybe i'll add tomorrow.

Look where we are now.

2009-11-11T22:54:00.003-05:00

Writing has and will always be a passion of mine. And right now im on "flu recovery" and did a little writing. However, as I laid around the past couple days, I went through old papers, letters, poems, short clips etc i had written. And I came across a page long poem I wrote a while ago, a huge shoutout for help. I am speechless from the words that came out. I will not put the whole poem because its between the pen and paper, but I will include the first line....

"My smiles disguises
What I'm really thinking.
My eyes reflection
Holds a hidden confession"

and last line....

"I cant understand what im feeling
Acting in ways so unappealing
Putting up a front, pretending
Waiting, hoping,
I cant keep defending
Someone come find me
This train has fallen off track
Someone come find me
And put me back"

Is I read the words, I remember. I remember the pain. I remember the rock bottom feeling. The uselessness. Looking in all the wrong places and finding nothing. The hopeless feeling. The tears that no longer fell. The feeling alone.

Its amazing to look back at this poem I wrote, and to see where I am now.

God has reshaped this heart of mine. He has wiped the tears. Listened to my cries. Erased my fears. Took control. Became my escape. Healed my bruises. Gave me hope. Made this train go back on track.

I hope that i never go back to where I once was. I actually dont think I could from what I know and feel in my heart. I praise God for bringing me back to life. To being who I was made to be. There are times when I think, ok God what now and have moments where I stumble. But I think its good to look back and say, wow...God, look where we are now.

to busy to notice.

2009-11-08T22:13:00.006-05:00

Soccer at one point fulled my schedule. Especially, when i played in college, it was my everything. schedules for classes was picked around it, activities after school, friends, etc. So after i "retired" I didnt really touch a soccer ball. 2 years. And friday was the first time in 2 years.

Thanks to my friend matt inviting me to summit...i was reminded the joy & love i feel when i play soccer. I have pushed soccer out of my life for far too long. I have forgotten how great it felt to run up and down and up and down the soccer field. how great it feels to high five your teammates. to sweat. to kick a ball. to pass. to huff adn puff. to push. to get pushed. to run. to play. O the joy of soccer. I get a feeling i cant explain when i play soccer, like im on cloud 9. my life was too busy to notice what my true feelings were. I forgot the real reason why i went to college to play soccer. I made it my life instead of it making my life.

I think being so YOU HAVE to play soccer, the eat sleep soccer life in college made me forget how much passion and love i have for soccer. touching on this reminds me too, to set back and to look at the things I may be looking over, have taken advantage of, or barely notice due to how busy i am. i am going to work on this. :) like start writing again. or actually pick up the guitar more than once in a while. and to take on things that reallllly freak me out-like driving.

I am so lucky to have such great people in my life. To challenge me, to remind me, to help me, to love me and accept me as I am. For a long time i was lost, but the people and things i have been doing in my life has been helping me find me again. and as each day that goes by, I praise God for His work in me.

Scavenger hunt

2009-11-06T00:10:00.002-05:00

so today was the WYLDlife photo scavenger hunt. SO GREAT!! :) I am so excited to get to know them all! anyways, my group was with the 7th graders and 2 8th graders, & what a fun bunch. They were such a riot in the car, such planned/strategic ciaos.

I am so excited with the 7th graders. I had just met them when I went to the middle school on Wednesday. :) And they came tonight. Totally made my whole night. Im finding the more i put myself out there, the more i am actually trusting God, finding myself and I pray the awkwardness just goes away.

Taking pictures was so great. And actually, this hunt was in a reminder to me to enjoy the moments in life. How we need to just stop and take it all in. That moments like these are something that cant be replaced and need to be kept close to the heart. all we have are these memories, the pictures caught in time. So much in life we are "scavenging" in life, trying to figure out the next step, making plans, etc., but what we really need to focus on are the moments, the special "pictures" we capture that stay within our hearts.

November

2009-11-02T23:12:00.002-05:00

November 1st we decided to have a pancake feast. After church we invited a lot of people over and it was team effort meal. One of us cooked the bacon, the eggs, pancakes, waffles, sausage, ect. it was amazing.

Community is so great. Days like that reminds you how you can have a little piece of heaven on earth.

"Two are better than one, because they gave a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone, when he falls for he has no one to help him up." -Eccalesiastes 4:9-10

Jesus loves the little children :)

2009-10-26T23:26:00.004-04:00

I currently work as an RDH in a pediatric dental office.

Its funny how i thought that would be the LAST place i would work...and now that i have been working there...i couldnt be any place else. It is just so fitting to my personality. However challenging it may be, it is the most rewarding, frustrating, fun job yet. :)

Kids.

I absolutly love them. At times they may be crazy, not sit still, cry...but overall, just to see them smile and laugh is probably one of the greatest things in the world. I see why Jesus loves the little children :)

I think what I love the most is being able to teach the kiddies how to brush their teeth, to show them the dental world, and for them see that being at the dental office is a fun (not scary) place.

Working here and working with kiddies all day is really inspiring me with my new ELWYLdlife'rs. I am so excited to be teaching the middle schooler about Jesus and sharing how much He loves them. I want to show them that Jesus is fun (not scary) and to understand how great a life with Him truely is.

God is so great, and I cannot thank Him enough for loving His children...myself included :)

just breathe.

2009-10-25T23:57:00.006-04:00

sleep. shower. eat. cook. clean. brush teeth. leadership. laundry. friends. homework. God. run. phone dates. classes. water. play. friends. dishes. family. groceries. driving. floss. bible study. read. wyldlife. writing. guitar. prayer. BREATHE.

God I am soo thankful that i am living where i am living. You truely know what we need. What a blessing it is to come home from work and leave the city behind me. every time i drive home past the 96 exit, i see country beauty. the tall bold and bright yellow, green, red, orange, brown beautiful trees verses buildings. rows and rows of cornfields and farm life prancing and munching around in the farmland.

Everyday it reminds me to slow down. to take a deep breath. to breathe. to take it in. to enjoy what God has presented to us. the beauty of His creation. To not take forgranted. To live each day to the fullest. To ignore the craziness. To remember whats really important. To live simply. to seriously, to just breathe.

2009-10-21T23:04:00.002-04:00

God gives us life to the fullest.

"Therefore Jesus said again," I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate' whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and to have it to the full." -John 10:7-10

God I pray that no one can get in Your way and cheat me of true prosperity.

Babylon

2009-10-14T22:58:00.004-04:00

So Im doing a Beth Moore bible study on the book of Daniel. And wow, we are on week 6 and I can already see and feel my thoughts and my self change. We live in world surrounded by the devil, and "I am and there is no other" is the Babylon mentality. Its amazing that although the book of Daniel was written years and years ago, we very much so live in a Babylonian world.

Doing this bible study is helping me better understand this world we live in. Its helping me better understand Daniel, God, and myself. I have never read or really looked into this book so deeply, and God really is reaching out to me.

I need to not have a Babylonian mentality. I need to be aware of how Babylon is influencing me, and how I need to be influencing Babylon. I need to have people see me as a daughter of God, not Babylon. I need to beleive God is who He is and trust Him with my life. We are becoming so desensitized to the things of this world; divorce, cheating, death, sex, drugs, and the list goes on. The devil is so good at it. I need to remember we are the models for the young ones, and I need to beleive I am holy/worthy and to stop cooperating with the devil. (The devils trick is in every way he can will make us beleive we are less that who we are) Am I embracing the fire or the lions knowing God will pull me throught it?

My biggest question to myself is, am I influencing Babylon, or is Babylon influencing me?? Do people see that the spirit of God lives in me? Am I trusting God or letting my doubts get in the way of His plans?

Daniel is quite the example, and reading the word is making me want to be more like him. I want to know and trust God like he did. Every day I as I dig deeper into my inner thoughts and battles, I become closer to God and am becoming such a better daughter of Christ. I can feel myslef changing; thoughts, actions ect. The more I dig into it, the deeper in get into the nitty gritty crap of my life. God is helping me remove my dead branches and helping me acheive the goal of growing and producing healthy fruit. Renewing the mind and cleansing myself. Am I becoming a godly woman, living up to my name.

Its not easy, the devil has a way of convincing us that we arent worthy, or holy. But I am holy, because God allows me to be.

Whats so crazy as my homepage is biblegateway.com adn this was the verse of the day. couldnt be more relevant to my thoughts. God is so cool.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2

23

2009-10-13T19:21:00.002-04:00

Im officially 23 as of sunday. seems like time is just flying by. I had a wonderful birthday, my friends and family are incredible.

God is so good to me. what a blessing these past 23 years have been and i look forward to many many more.

vampire movement

2009-09-30T22:11:00.002-04:00

So this summer i read the twilight series, adn loved it. It was entertaining, and thrilling, but didnt think too much of it, i mean it is just a book.

but tonight at bible study, i was just made aware of this so called vampire movement that is going on in the middle and high schools of this area, and it really freaked me out.

Aparently, kids are wearing vials of blood around there necks, cutting themselves and drinking blood??! .

Yikes!! This is something that I feel will be difficult for young adults to be dealing with. Not only is it disturbing, but it is a true sign of the devil taking something sacred and turns it around. (the idea of Jesus giving His blood for us.)

So pray for these children in schools who are being pressured with this movement, stuggling to deal with this, and for the mothers and fathers who are dealing with their children undergoing this "movement."

Laughter

2009-09-29T23:07:00.003-04:00

"The most wasted of days is one without laughter."

I think I must be subconsiously be really stressed, because lately I have been going in crazy laughing attacks. Katie, my other roommate, and I recently have had hardcore laughing attacks. I think we have officially made our roommates brother think we are nuts. It seems to happen a couple times per week, where were both laughing til we cried. I think anyone who is a Young or a Niedzinski or has ever been to a family dinner at my house, can understand these so called "attacks." And let me tell ya, it was pretty humerous. Priceless moments like those are days I like to remember. Katie mentioned the whole thing about us possibly being to serious at work may have some sort of effect on our life? I dont know but smiling and laughing are my favorite. It just makes you feel good.

What a great invention, laughing. :)

Dental Care Song :)

2009-09-21T21:35:00.003-04:00

Please youtube this song. It made me laugh.

"I brush my teeth
And look in the mirror
And laugh out loud
As Im beaming from ear to ear"

"Id rather pick flowers
Instead of fight
And rather flaunt my style
I'd flash you a smile
Of clean pearly whites"
-Dental Care by Owl City

Falling :)

2009-09-16T23:59:00.004-04:00

Country living has quite a benefit. When I was driving home from bible study, I couldnt not notice the difference from the city to the country when i looked out my window. THE STARS. Wow its incredible. On my drive home I decided I was going to wrap up in a blanket and lay on the driveway and stare at the stars.

And I did.

As I laid there, I had quite the conversation with God...and tears started to fall down the cheeks. And as soon as I thought a specific thought, a HUGE falling star streaked across the sky, a long, bright one...and thats when I lost it.

I ran inside with streaks of tears and made Katie come out and sit outside with me. The two of us chatted underneath the stars, bundled in blankets. Tonight, I am speachless.

He made the stars, and He made me. How great is our God, He is mighty to save.

God needs to drive.

2009-09-14T22:49:00.006-04:00

Driving. Something I feel like I will always dislike immensely. This is crazy. When i was driving a couple days ago late at night avoiding all the zillions of construction cones, I realized something. I am closest to God when Im driving. Strange huh?

It was a really weird realization. And I do this EVERYTIME i drive. I found myself the entire way home battling myself in the head.."I cant do this. Just stop. No keep going. I need to stop. I cant drive. I hate this. Keep going. what 20 minutes left? Keep going. No stop. Pull over." and on and on. I swear the entire time I am battling this conversation the whole way. Its terrible. I feel like Im having a battle with God and me or the devil or something.

Is this a battle I am going to have everytime I drive at night? or winter?

I know everytime I get in a car, I praise God and pray for safety. Every semi I pass I pray to God and thank Him. Is this the devils way of trying to get me to by triggering the thoughts of stopping, turning around...ect?? Because I hope not. I would LOVE to get in a car and just drive. But this battle goes on n on.

House warming party!

2009-09-13T20:56:00.002-04:00

I am so excited to be living with my roommates. They are the greatest. I still dont know them that well, but I look forward to each day spent with them. What a blessing it is to be living with such wonderful people.

Saturday, we decided to open up our house to everyone. We cooked a HUGE feast for our parents so everyone could put a name to a face and meet the familys and had friends come over and play games, watch sport games, eat food, community, bonfire and fun :)

It was awesome. I look forward to planning more parties and getting to know my roommates more. :)

God bless community, and meeting new people.

2009-09-11T23:54:00.001-04:00

9/11.

Enough said. I pray for the families, the troops, and the list goes on. God Bless the USA.

Helpless

2009-09-11T23:51:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I just feel so inadequate, dumb, unintelligent, stupid, ect ect. I sometimes feel like I just cant do something, and I am just so helpless.

But the thing is...is I am. We all are. Thats why we are who we are. We are inadequate, but God isn't. I cant do things, but God can.

I dont know. Thats all.

Location Location location

2009-09-08T23:20:00.003-04:00

God is good. I was recently reading that an important word on Gods mind is location. He puts us where He wills in order for us to fulfill His purposes. location location location.

I find it funny how things ended up for me. Before graduation, i was SO set on getting the heck out of Michigan, especially far away from Lansing. But, God had other plans.

Not passing my test put a huge dent on my plans, however, He prevails. I was given the opportunity to work as an assistant in downtown Lansing, which was great and a true blessing. and now i accepted a job as a RDH :) at a pedo office in Okemos. Not only that, but i am living with Christian girls i dont really know and beginning to know, living close to home, close to work, and still in the area. This is opening doors for me to have the possibility to be a youth leader in the lansing area, something I thought i would be terrible at doing. Being in the area is challenging me to grow; grow in faith, in clinic, as a roommate, and as a person and more.

Its great how God works. And how great are his Plans.

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of your hands." -Psalm 138:8

2009-09-07T23:58:00.001-04:00

God is amazing. I couldnt feel more blessed. thanks to all those who had faith in me. :)

Michelle Young, RDH :) I like the sound of that!

God is everything

2009-09-02T23:48:00.002-04:00

stuffs getting crazy. I was deleting stuff on my computer getting ready for this new fall and found this again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUiEeM5TAUY&feature=related

God is love. He is everything. And I cry everytime I watch this clip. I cant even explain. Whats crazy is you KNOW that God watches us go through all the rough patches, the poor decisions, us hurting our bodies, and still in the end, He prevails and loves us still. And the amazing thing is too, that Jesus went through all the things we encounter and think "you dont know what its like." and in reality, Jesus does. Hes been there. Plus, Hes with you while at all times, so He really knows what your going through. It makes me wish that people knew God and could just see how much He loves us and how He just wants us to be the way He intended us to be. He thinks we are great. And the funny thing too, is that I can recall in the past thinking this thought about certain things in my life. But really now, it all comes down to myself changing my perspective. Someone has been there, and there are people out there who have experienced worse. And Jesus went through it all, with no sin. How many people can say that? But thats where Jesus's love for us all gives us grace and allows us to have this loving relationship with God. Whats amazing too is how easy it is to get distracted by the devil. He just has this way of getting suckered into peoples lives, and ignore all that God has sent infront of us. Nothings better than His way, we just get blinded.

Its funny because I have noticed my perspectives changing, and I know its Gods love is doing it. As the lyrics say,

"You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again"

Its so true. He is where we find peace within ourselves, and can accept our faults and know He really loves us, and that I am ok. No matter where we have been, it doesnt matter as long as we find Him and know that He is God.

And for some, sometimes it takes us longer to find God, and sometimes people have to go throught hard times as in the site to finally get hit in the head and say "o my God :)

This song, just amazes me everytime I listen to it...I cant even explain.

"And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?" How could we not be moved by you??? no matter what we do, your love NEVER fails. You are EVERYTHING

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything."

"You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?"

Im looking forward to the changes and plans God has for me. Its so true, how can we NOT be moved by you? I mean really? All He's done for us. He is everywhere and everything.

furry friend

2009-08-30T16:27:00.003-04:00

So a week ago today, I offically all moved into my house. My roommates werent planning on moving in til this weekend, the 27/28/29. So i spent a week on my own.

the very first night, i had my first encounter with country living.

I was downstairs in the kitchen area, and i see a little furry thing scuttle past me. Eeeek! It was a mouse! ahaha I took a picture of it on my phone and sent it to my brother and dad. It really freaked me out.

I thought about coming home, but i was like, no im ok. Im not alone. Ive got God with me, and my new furry friend. I said a quick prayer and thought here we go.

I made it through the night :)

Now a week later, I now have internet, cable and people living here!!!

challenging me.

2009-08-20T20:42:00.009-04:00

So tonight is my last night living here in E.L with some of the greatest people Ive ever met. What a blessing it was to spend the summer here.

...What a summer for change...for the better. I think i have grown so much as a person, and especially as a Christian. I really cant believe or really come to explain how I feel or what I have experienced. Living in EL was possibly one of the best decisions I have ever made. I have challenged myself in so many aspects of my life. Confessions, stories, jobs, bible readings, the meaning of listening, understanding Gods love, meeting new people, peace, grace, community, and so on and so on. I am looking forward to this continued growth in Christ and developing closer relationships with the people I hung out with this summer.

I was sharing with someone how amazing it was that occasional nights we all sat around and the TV was NEVER turned on. At school, I don't think I ever experienced this. And the intimate conversations I had with people I have never really got to know, and sharing thoughts I have kept hidden and feeling the love form anyone and everyone. Its amazing how my eyes have just opened to the world and kinda like I am truly seeing it for the first time. My thoughts have changed into a christian-er direction. I could go on. I can truly see what it means to share Gods love and experience His love. And what it means to live a life for God.

Granted, I am still struggling with may other things, but I have come so far.

I am so grateful God introduced me to these experiences, and I look forward to whats in store for this new chapter. I am in the process of moving to a house in Mason/Okemos with 3 girls I dont really know. I am super excited to see what I learn about myself and to create new friendships, get closer to God, and see where God takes me. :)

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." -Eccl 4:9-12

I praise God for the people in my life who kept me warm, picked me up when Id fall, wiped tears off my cheeks, jumped for joy with my blessings, and listened to my frustrations.

The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. -Proverbs 24:16

.. but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:31

goals.

2009-08-14T20:40:00.003-04:00

Meeting our goals. Its funny how you create so many goals, yet how many are ever accomplished? I'll eat better, make smarter decisions, actually make decisions, pray more, run harder, listen better, renew an old friendship, n so on n so on.

I feel like so many people struggle with this-myself included, the idea of not following through with ideas.

I find it hard to get started, but it gets better.

Take this whole marathon thing I'm attempting to do. I had tried to "train" this spring, but it fell through. But this time, i took the step to sign up for one, paid for it, and here i go. Running...can be rather difficult. It sucks starting out because your body hurts, your tired, out of breath, experience injury ect. I kinda feel like its like starting a relationship with God. It can be hard to start, your mind emotionally forgetting the past, letting all your fears and worries up to Him, dealing with temptations, and so forth. But the closer we become to God, the easier it should be.

So that's where I think I am at. I am beginning the training, and well sometimes it sucks. Training's difficult...things don't come instantly. I cant expect the road to be easy, but i know its getting easier. :)

But every time I put on a pair of sneakers, its like OK God, where are we headed today?

i dont care..

2009-08-09T15:47:00.003-04:00

I am the type of person who sucks at making decisions. When i say "i don't care," I honestly sometimes don't (depending on the type of decision). For example, what do we want to do tonight? I am 100% positive that I would be happy doing pretty much anything. I just LOVE the company, and spending time with people. I know I frustrate people with this. This is something I really want to work on. How can I come about to being better at this?

I think this too might be why I haven't picked a job, picked where I want to go, or where my next step is. I think I need to grow to be able to make decisions. I feel like I could be happy anywhere. I need to start more aggressive and really look into this some more.

Does it really come down that I have absolutely no idea what I want?

2009-07-26T23:11:00.002-04:00

I think the ultimate step for running AND my faith, is ACCEPTANCE. I have a LOOONG way to go....13.1 miles is far, and my relationship with God is definialtly in the works of getting closer.

I want to be able to run further and to be closer to God. Simple right?

TIME. GOALS. PATIENCE.

2009-07-26T22:54:00.002-04:00

I have officially signed up for the Detroit 1/2 Marathon in October. Am I crazy? I might be...but this is something I am challenging myself to do.

I haven't ran in a while. And that first run...i was thinking "alright, peice of cake.

SIKE. I was dying of exhaustion.

I think what I struggled the most with on my first run was that I used to be able to not run for weeks and be able to jump right in.

But things take time, patience, practice, and down right TIME. This is something I am pushing myself to do. Take TIME. Be PATIENT. Set GOALS.

Results are not instant. Things take TIME, GOALS, and PATIENCE.

I am using these 3 words with my faith. I want a close relationship with God. But that, like running, isn't something instant. I have to spend TIME with Him, have PATIENCE with Him when I cant hear Him or understand Him, and I need to see the ultimate GOAL of a life as a servant.

Starting to listen

2009-06-17T20:16:00.004-04:00

I have a hearing loss. Yup. I said it. :) Hearing loss in my right ear-severe to profound. Yup.

Not many people know this. Its something I have hidden from my entire life, but its something that affects me in every day since forever. Each whisper, note taking, group discussions, etc etc. I find myself piecing together conversations and hoping that's what they said, reading lips, and sometimes even smiling/laughing because I have no idea what they said, and didn't want people to know etc etc. Its quite exhausting, focusing and straining to listen all the time. With the hearing loss, I always felt different then everyone else, and I didn't want people to know me as the "deaf girl". I always felt so alone too, because no one knows what its like. I have a different condition. Hearing aids don't work, so its not visible. And the condition I have is something old people get, and my whole life,"your so young." after hearing why. And its frustrating too because i think i hear the word cat and you really said boat. I think this could be where I say random comments because i think I heard someone talking about something completely different.

This is something I want to embrace and fully accept. God created me the way He wanted me to be. I should be embracing Him, and thanking Him for even allowing me to hear in the other ear, and making me different.

I had the best conversations with Woj sunday. What a blessing she is, and she has amazing gifts & talents :) I shared with her about my hearing loss, and my hatred of audiologists and hearing tests, my struggles to hear, and my embarrassment of my condition. She challenged me to face my fears and to get my hearing checked. YIKES. I am determined to follow through, to listen to her suggestion...no matter how freaked I am about the results. I'll do it before summer is over...yikes. I'm scared to see if the condition moved to the left ear...

But this idea of hearing and listening ponders more thoughts within myself. Ears are amazing and quite a gift. But SO many of us take advantage of listening well. How WELL are we listening??

Maybe not even too with "literal listening" but by listening to God. Are we willing and listening to what is in Gods word? Are we paying attention to His word? Or do we listen to what we want to hear, like in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 and fall short. And are we listening to what people aren't saying? So many questions, thoughts on listening. I may have a hearing loss, but I'm going to listen to what others aren't saying, and to listen and believe to what God is saying.

If only...

2009-06-15T22:40:00.003-04:00

It all began with Adam and Eve...all the "cravings" and wanting what we cant have. UGH. "If only.."

Man we need to get rid of that thought...When you truely think about it, its funny how much our life is consumed by these the "what ifs" and "if onlys" in our life. "If only i were taller I would be a better volleyball player, if only I had enough money, if only i studied harder"....etc etc.

Why is it that we dwell on things here, and forgot the true purpose of why we are here on earth? Noel at Riverview reminded me of this. " Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."--1 John 2:15-17

God gives us our gifts. He gives us what we need. Our only and true craving should be with Him. Why is it so hard to focus on what we DONT have verses what we DO have? When it comes down to it, God really knows what is best for us.

I know I have been struggling with the "what if's", especially with graduation n all. But right now, I feel safe. content. happy. I may not be that RDH, but He blessed me with a job as an assistant and am living in EL with friends. Why is it that I focus on the "whys" and ignore that really its all His planning and his doing? I forget to focus my thoughts on Him, and get too consumed in "cravings", the comparasion of others, and unessisary fear of failure. God wont let me down. He may take me on paths with I dont see, or understand, but i need to remember to focus on what is in front of me, and ignore what isnt. Colossians 3:1-6

I want Him to change me, I want to get rid of the "what ifs" and "if only's". I want to look at what I "DO" have verses what i dont. I trust God and I want to feel my heart change.

I know there are going to be a lot of steps, prayers, confessions, to get where I want to be. I look forward to this unknown path im headed. Its going to be hard, dirty, scary, but I know I need to clean this heart out. And i know Gods gonna be my light throught the darkness.

its crazy where this blog went.

God=awesome.

2009-06-09T23:13:00.005-04:00

God really is amazing, and i feel like I never give Him enough credit. I tend to be hard on him, "why God why" etc. But I should not be complaining to Him. He created me and knows exactly what is best for me. If i need to go through another trial to lead me to something better, I should be praising Him for it. Or if I have to wait. Or... Or... Or....

JAMES 1 : 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

God is my maker, and He knows exactly where I need to be. I am the one who keeps screwing it up and not trusting Him.

This new job reaaaally is a wake up call for His power and knowledge. This job, found me, and i KNOW God let that happen. I couldnt be any happier!!! Working as an assistant is hugely different than hygiene, but already I feel like I have grown. Practice is a LOT different than school- by a LONG shot. And this dentist, is GREAT.

God knows me better than ANYONE. and the words from my grandmas email today "No boyfriend/husband, no best friend, no parent, no matter how perfect, no one can meet all your needs or fulfill your desires (even those you don't even realize you have) nor give you fulfilling love & Joy but The Lord Jesus Christ!" Amen Gma! :)

2009-06-03T00:34:00.002-04:00

One of the greatest gifts God has given me...is the gifts of friends. I cant thank Him enough.

Live a life of love

2009-06-02T00:37:00.002-04:00

"Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love" -2 John 1:6

I feel i do a pretty good job with this one, but the rest of the world...not so much. You see on t.v. the horrible stories of deaths, rapes, disease, poor economy, stealing, war, divorce, etc. etc. Whatever happened to love? Where is the love?

The more i think of it, i think it might come down to this...the saying we have all heard over and over again as said in Galatians 5:14 "Love your neighbor as yourself."

I have never really understood this concept, because I usually always fall short on loving myself. I dont really know why.

But when you think about do we really truely love ourselves? God has blessed us with such a gift, and everyday we arent loving ourselves. We misuse, mistreat our own bodies with unhealthy choices with lies, drugs, sex, anorexia, cheating, purging, stealing, alcohol, grease, grime, ect ect. We are all so self consumed of negativity and self destruction, its no wonder people in this world dont love our neighbors.

I know I can honestly say I try to live a life of love towards others...however, i sometimes fall short with myself. I dont know why.

Fastball "Out of my head"

2009-05-27T00:12:00.003-04:00

I love music. It can be interperted in so many different ways, kinda when your feeling a certain emotion. I love having my itunes on shuffle. Today, the song "Out of my head" played. As I listened to it, I origionally thought it was about a guy/girl relationship. But then, I played it again.

I think in a weird way it can be kinda viewed towards motivation/lack of. In the song, the person has no idea where hes going, hows he's getting there, or what he wants (drunk behind the wheel of prosperity.) You can be all talk.You can be this amazing person on paper, but do you actually go out and do it? "dont matter what i say only what i do"..."Hes waiting for an invitation,"

Really, its him talking about himself.. "that he never meant to do bad things to you" (himself), and that hes sad for not trying harder. But really its only himself that will get him what and where he wants to go.

so maybe this song was purposely played for me. that i need to not be sad and "drunk behind the wheel". However life may roll, give it a spin. I many not be driving exactly where i want to be, but I need to not be "drunk behind the wheel" and not miss out on life and what possibilities may come from it. The wheel may take you somewhere, but its what I do with whats on the way. When im on this road, i need to "not be so blind" because there might be many possibilities I could be missing. Its not what people say, and "forget what i say, and care about what i do."

Its time i spoke up that i am sad, and i need to wake up and care about what i do...care about what i do now. I am not going to be so "blind" and "drunk behind the wheel" and finally wake up and find those invitations.

For lyrics

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/f/fastball/out+of+my+head_20053162.html

psalm 91

2009-05-22T00:09:00.002-04:00

So I had to read psalm 91 again.

Maybe I dont really understand or really trust Him. Maybe I want assurance that He will always be there for me, and this fear Im not going to make it through. I think this shows I need to keep building this relationship with Him. But how? How do I learn to trust him?

In my quiet time with God, i battle so many distractions; anxiety, fear for example. Why am I having such a hard time hearing him?

2009-05-18T00:07:00.001-04:00

JAMES 1 : 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

God, help me find this joy...cuz right now im having a hard time even smiling...and God You know thats not me.

2009-05-17T01:16:00.003-04:00

I can finally start seeing the end of the tunnel. But Ive encountered a rather large pothole and have busted a tire that will yet again take time to fix.

Its funny how things can seem to be heading in the right direction and the right place, but God takes you on a different route. The route that always seems to be patchy, rough and difficult.

Why does my car always seem to be the one that breaks down? The car that gets stuck in the mud, falls apart, crashes, loses peices, falls off road, finds potholes, etc ect. I find it SO frustrating how difficult, how hard I try to get where I am going and others pass by with ease. and I hate how SO many people take advantage. O well at least i know when i set road flares or place the orange triangle by my car, i have family and friends and a God to keep me from getting run over and to tow my car...

God I know theres a reason for this delay. But how many more delays, setbacks, roadblocks.. am i going to be able to handle? Driving really sucks. I know your taking the wheel on our journey, but I pray that I overcome another setback and I pray for strength to keep on truckin'.

why?

2009-05-16T14:55:00.002-04:00

Why God...why?

I find myself asking Him this alot this year. And yet again today, I find myself asking Him Why? God has a plan, and I know He does. But sometimes, I just gotta ask why.

2009-05-13T15:59:00.003-04:00

I am super excited to be done with college, to finally call myself a dental hygienist, and know i have accomplished a dream so many told me wasnt possible.

But graduation has this bittersweet taste on my tongue.

Its sad knowing I wont see so many of the people I had shared my life with for the past 2 years again... 56 girls and 1 guy. I know i will keep in touch with those I have come close with, but it still isnt the same. I have never been good with goodbyes and I hate the idea of it and being so far away from people I have grown to love. Holly, Sarah, Sleek, Meliss, Ash, Amy, Tammy, Stac, Allison, Heather, Anissa, Heather O, etc etc ect the list could go on... I know they have helped shape who I am. But I am looking forward to future, and the friendships that stick and grow--the new friendships that develop and the friends I already have and love.

The future's scary. And i know i couldnt do it without the people in my life..God truely has blessed me with the best gifts ever.

Im looking forward to living with a few of my friends this summer off hagadorn. :) I think its a great start for the next chapter of my life. I couldnt be more excited. Its great to know that even though my life is changing, crazy, unknown, and is in His hands, I have people will always stand by my side and tell me it will be ok and love me regardless of the outcomes of my life.

Call upon 911..

2009-05-12T00:00:00.007-04:00

I really like sometimes just opening the bible and seeing where it takes me. Tonight it just so happened to be Psalm 91, and I really like this Psalm.. Its now going to be my 911 call (91.1) because he is my savior and I NEED to remember HE WILL SAVE me, and is the ONLY one who can. These are my thoughts..

My God is my protector-by noonday, night, and day=24hrs/day. He is always watching and NOTHING will change that.
No matter what evil heads our way(arrows, pestilence,destruction,plague) we are safe in the shadow of the Almighty.
I can take on “lions and cobras” because I know God will keep me safe.

Either God will save me from a scary something or I will safely make it through. God says I shouldn't fear because we cannot fall...for He cannot fail.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. "

Next time I have a hit a hard patch, I'm gonna remember God is my savior, and remember to look on 911---psalm 91:1.

smiles

2009-05-11T00:21:00.002-04:00

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I dont think my smile could get any bigger. I feel so blessed. This weekend I graduated-and its an amazing feeling. I know i couldnt have done it without the support of my family, friends and my faith in God.

I set goals since i was a little kid to graduate college, and now that i have...its like now what?! I couldnt be more scared for what lies ahead...but its nice to know that God has a plan for me. I know He wont fail or forsake me. I feel open and ready for wherever He takes me. My biggest prayer is that through my hands we save smile after smile throughout the world.

praise God

2009-05-04T19:34:00.001-04:00

PRAISE GOD. I passed pt 1 of being an RDH!!!!! :-)

9 lives?

2009-05-03T10:29:00.004-04:00

Ive been told I was like a cat, with 9 lives. Where I shouldnt be here, but i know i am here for a purpose. 9 lives or not, God has me here on this earth for a reason, and He will continue to keep me here until I fulfil it.

Yesterday, I went home with my friend Holly to go kayaking down the Rouge River (connects to Grd. River.) The river was waaay overflowed and moving fast, but it was ok. so we were kyaking down, it was beautiful. Gods work is incredible. Johanna and i were a little preoccupied with a soccer ball we found floating and i was taking pictures, and my boat was turned around.

the river was moving fast, and Jo finally paid attention to where our kayaks were going....straight for a fallen tree. so ME being ME...i grabbed my paddles to try to turn around, and I got them caught in a tree and fell. I was headed STRAIGHT for the fallen tree without a paddle.

Holly said my face was priceless. I smashed right into this tree. i put my hands out first, and the water pooled into my kayak. I was forced underwater, and the river was moving really fast. I didnt even have time to think. I gulped water, swam as fast as I could and reached for teh branches coming off the tree i ran into. I grabbed a hold of the branches, and pulled myself to the shore. When i finally got to shore and gathered exactly what happened, i laughed. Johanna I guess reached for my paddles and ran into the tree as well and fell in. I could see Holly down a ways with my kayak and she was perfectly fine. Jo couldnt see me, and i laughed. My sweatpants were pulled off from teh rivers force. I looked in the river adn go "o there goes my sweatpants!" Jo was like WHAT! Do u have any pants on?! And we just died in laugher. We couldnt beleive we just made it through that!

My shoes were gone, bye bye camera, my sweatpants, and sunglasses, but I MADE IT! We were idiots and didnt have lifejackets, which is very scary and very stupid.

Its amazing how God protects us. I could have easily drowned and gotten carried down the river. Especially since we werent wearing lifejackets. It was crazy watching my sweatpants flow down the river..that could have been me. It makes me feel lucky to know I have a God who protects me, and feel sad for those who dont know or beleive God. I wish I could understand why people dont beleive he's real-especially when He saves us in times we need Him most.

It was a fun, crazy adventure and I look forward to more crazy adventures, adn know God will be with me the entire time.

New beginnings.

2009-05-01T00:00:00.007-04:00

I want it. I desire it. I am trying to develop and start a better relationship with God. I dont want to be like most people, missing the most important thing in life-not knowing God. God desires a relationship with all of us. But we are the ones who choose to have the relationship.

I choose. The school year may be ending, but something new, something unknown is starting...

God, its about time I start putting you first... I know You will not fail or forsake me.

When it rains...sometimes it just seems to pour.....

2009-04-28T01:00:00.003-04:00

My friend Heather reaaally needs some prayers.

I had the blessing of getting to know her better on the mission trip, and her relationship with God was reunited from the trip. We have recently been going to church together, but Friday, her friend Bob is a gymnist in GR. He fell, broke his neck, and was in a coma for a few days. Hes awake now, but is paralyzed. He is SLOWLY starting to feel a litle more, like today he was tingling in his arms. I pray to God for recovery adn strength in Bob. Bob is one of Heathers best friends...

But continuing with Heather, she just found out today her aunt all of a sudden died. I spent the last few hours with her... Its been a rough week for her-she kept saying "I didnt think anything worse could happen and it did...whats next.." We have our huge licensure exam friday.. I pray for her to find the strength, I pray she leans on God, and gives it all up to him. I pray she knows she isnt alone...I just pray too, that this doesnt turn her away from God.

thanks for the prayers guys.

Receipt

2009-04-21T00:27:00.004-04:00

so i bought a few things at the store. At the register, the price rang up, and i was like YES not as much as i thought! So i got back to my car and read through the receipt and realized I wasn't charged for a photo album I clearly had in my bag.

Now this posed a lot of questions to me. Do I get out of my car, in the rain, to go back inside and pay for it? Or do I walk away and pretend I didn't notice?

It was a toss and turn thought-which should have been an easy answer. I finally decided to go inside and pay for it. So i went to the customer service desk and explained to the lady what happened. She kind of looked at me very strangely almost as if she thought i was crazy for doing this as she took the receipt. I told her I was a Christian and thought this was the right thing to do. She quickly replied, "Oh i would have done the same thing. Good for you." After I paid and walked away, a lot came to mind and now i ponder some more...

I'm pretty sure I did the right thing, and can sleep peacefully knowing it. But my thoughts, would that lady really do what I did in that situation?

I feel like majority of the world would shrug it off and say "her mistake" and not pay for it. Its funny how easy it is to say you would do something in that situation, but if you really were in that situation, would you really do it?

Obviously this was not a huge decision on my life. But its a huge step for me. Sometimes I feel like I struggle with this and am learning to listen to my heart, to make those right decisions. Its amazing how BADLY the devil wants me because he continuously harasses me... he tries to ruin God''s plan for me, but God in me is getting bigger.

:)

2009-04-19T11:30:00.003-04:00

While on internship in Jackson, I had the blessing of staying at my aunts house. WHAT A BLAST :) I had five cousins, all younger than me, so it was awesome.

I always find it fun to see a glimpse of peoples everyday lives. I was able to watch my 2 cousins (SR and SOPH) play varsity soccer, play with my 2 cousins 4 and 6 outside on the trampoline and climb trees and help my cousin with her project. BUSY BUSY BUSY. But it was great. they always had time for family and God.

Each morning before the girls went off to class, they would huddle and pray. I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

For me, it was nice to stay away from teh internet, cell phones, and my insaineness of everyday life. I was able to go to work, come home, and hang out with my cousins. I got to relax and enjoy the company of my cousins.

A taste of jail

2009-04-19T10:58:00.005-04:00

Last week i was on internship. I was placed in Jackson, at the Jackson prison. It was quite the experience. Its def. a different world. I had to go through a ton of paperwork, before i could even begin. To get anywhere, I had my ID with me at all times, along with a device that if i press a button, the sireon would go off. I would go through multiple gates, just to get to the clinic.

I was suprised as to how cool teh clinic was. I pictured yellowed chairs, and low technology. But it wasnt like that at all...It was like a normal clinic. The dentist I worked for was great, along with the hygienist. I was amazed to as to how good of medical treatment the inmates get-better than a LOT of people in the world.

So all week, I was able to be a real hygienist. I cleaned the inmates teeth-quite in need of cleanings. It was nice to not be overlooked by my instructors, criticized, etc. It was a nice break.

It was strange thou. The inmates were not chained up, or handcuffed or anything. I couldnt really talk to them, so it was REALLY strange.

I also if I wanted to, I could read the confidental files. I read a few of them, and its just crazy. A person seemed so normal, and you'd read the file and be like WHOA. I cleaned pedophiles, rapists, assult and battery, bad checked, stealing, murders teeth. CRAZY.

I never felt threated, i always felt safe. I knew nothing would go wrong. We both understood each other. The inmates would trust I would do a good job cleaning, and I trusted they wouldnt do anything to me. Its amazing how a little bit of trust goes a long way.

I think what too is great to think about...at the end of the day...I get to come home.

Questions.

2009-04-08T01:43:00.003-04:00

So i STILL have to post about the trip to Guyana.

But right now, my thoughts are this... a family friend's dad recently died. :( Still prayers for the family. But, its a comfort to know he is in a better place and is smiling down on all of us with Jesus at his side. He was an amazing person. He lived a selfless life and put others before himself, and led by example.

This pondered questions to myself, and I asked a friend for his thoughts....I asked, "if you were to die tomorrow...what do you think people would remember you by? would you be content with who you are if you are to die tomorrow?" Very legit questions, but not really i dont think anymore...

The more I think about it, I dont really like the questions at all. Shouldnt we be more interested in what God thinks? Aren't we here on earth to prepare for eternity in heaven?

I feel like we really should be asking ourselves is "what did I do with the gifts God gave me? Did I spend them on myself, or did I share with others and for the purposes God created me for?"

It doesnt matter what people think, etc. because in the end, its all up to God.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

PS. PRAISE GOD. I have a patient for my $925 exam im taking May 1st! Pray he shows and I pass!

leap of faith

2009-03-29T22:43:00.002-04:00

So i have YET to post about the trip, but this is something on my mind at the moment. I am going to start a bible group with classmates adn i know nothing about leading. It is something a few of the dentists from Guyana suggested to me to do, and Im gonna do it. One of them said they think I would be great and would be perfect to keep the path going. So with that, I think I will. But really? I feel like i am the LAST person that should be a leader. Idk. I feel like I dont know enough about the bible, or i have my own stuggles in keeping strong with faith. Well, Im gonna give it a try. God is with me in all I do. I pray that through me, i can find & share His words.

Salt and Thirst

2009-03-01T22:50:00.005-05:00

God is awesome. Its crazy. So my previous post triggered thoughts.

I dont know about you, but when I eat popcorn, a bag of chips, or something else that is really salty, I get really thirsty. So I will find something to quench the thirst.

By being the salt of the earth, we will always have this longing thirst for God. So no matter how many times we lose that salt, we never lose the thirst. So when I lose my flavor, my thirst kicks in. "But those who drink the water that I will give them will never become thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give them will become in them a spring that gushes up to eternal life." John 4:14

I want to be salty. I want my thirst to be satisfied. And I need to remember its my job to drink the water, to be the salt of the earth, and to make people thirsty.

Salt is Good.

2009-02-26T23:34:00.005-05:00

Salt. Something so simple, yet so crucial to life. We need it to function, to add flavor, as a preservative, to fade out ice.

Matthew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing, but to be thrown out and trampled out underfoot by men."

These are powerful words. God is saying "we ARE salt." Salt-important to life, to preserve life. God wants us to preserve life. And its funny, when I first read the verse, I didnt quite get it. I mean, how can salt lose its flavor? But really, the salt doesnt lose its flavor, we lose its message. Can we function as salt as beleivers when we act the same as nonbeleivers? when we do that, were not "salt" anymore, not preserving life. we are promoting decay and losing the function of salt. Not having enough salt on ice or meat it wont function effectively. The ice wont melt or the meat will rot. So without saltiness, the salt will fail. "It is good for nothing....by men." Salt without its saltiness is useless, lacks purpose.

Do I live and function with saltiness?

I think I lose my saltiness here n there. Like many other Christians, I sometimes like the taste of the world, and act unsalty. I dilute the image of saltiness that God wants us to portray.

So, God is our salt and were supposed to be the salt on the earth and if we dont act salty, men will trample us?

We ARE salt. Not we SHOULD be salt. We ARE salt. So my thoughts tonight and for the past few days, what does it mean to be salty? How can I be more salty?

worry

2009-02-24T00:18:00.002-05:00

Matthew 6:25-33 I read this verse today, and it hit home.

Its true. Why do I worry? Why am I of so little faith? Song coming to mind is one that played in my car today...

Your Love is stong: Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is Your love is Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Your love is Your love is Your love is strong

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is Your love is Your love is strong

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

"My spirit is willing...

2009-02-22T12:05:00.003-05:00

"but my flesh is so weak..."

Couldnt be more true. So, wednesday at His House, I just started crying. We were singing/worship, adn the tears started to fall.

I'm emotionally lost adn dont know what I feel. Ive got a brick wall/door in my brain that can only open with a key, and its keeping my emotions hidden. I really dont know whats really going on in my head... But the emotions come out in times where I'm volunerable..

I've actually started a song/poem.

So there's two girls that I know from His House, Katie and Raquel. On wednesday, I leaned on them. I barely know them. I actually let myself melt down a bit-and it felt good to have someone to talk to.

I hate this feeling. And I DONT know how to escape. I hate feeling weak, lost, and confused.

Prayer

2009-02-18T00:12:00.005-05:00

Instead of saying, "I'll pray for you." Im trying to do it right then and there. Saying, "Hey God, I pray you help Chelsi's grandma find strength to pull through this illness." I found a few people give me a weird look when I did it today, but thats ok. Why wait when I'm alone with God. I can only pray to Him again. Why not let people see how easy prayer is, how anyone can do it?

I've never been good with speaking out loud when it comes to prayer, so this challenge is going to be good for me. Majority of my prayers and conversations with Him is spent in writing in a journal. Public speaking is a weakness of mine, but i love writing. Prayer in general is a weakness of mine, something I want to get better at. There is no right or wrong way, but I do know, I need to praise Him and look to Him more.

i love music.

2009-02-15T23:28:00.006-05:00

Emotive unstable.
You're like an unwinding cable car.
Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are.
Go your own way.
Even seasons have changed.
Just burn those new leaves over.
So self-absorbed, you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about.

This is the correlation of salvation and love.
Don't drop your arms.
I'll guard your heart.
With quiet words I'll lead you in.

La, la, la, la, la, la, laLa, la, la, la, la, la, la

Backing away from the problem of pain, youve never had a home
You've been hiding in shadows for so very long
Don't you believe that you've been deceived?
That you're no better than...The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of.

This is the correlation of salvation and love.
Don't drop your arms.
I'll guard your heart.
With quiet words I'll lead you in.

This song gives me the chills. Its reminding me, reasurring me to never give up. I will always find my way back. I love the power of music that it has in our souls.

Grace marked my heart. With quiet words He guides us, He the light that takes us out of dark

Valentines Day

2009-02-14T14:41:00.002-05:00

"Single awareness day" one of my friends claim today as. Haha. I was laughing with her in agreement. But really when you think about it...its not really so much a "couple" thing. Its about the people you love in your life.

I have soo many amazing people in my life. Each one has left an imprint on my heart, and I will never be the same. Love. What an amazing emotion.

Today when I got back from work at 1, I came home to a suprise :) My roommate Tammy decorated my door and room with hearts. I felt so loved. I'm pretty much the only single one in the house, and she was saying "I didnt want you to feel alone" awww :) I couldnt feel more blessed.

I could NOT live without people. And I could NOT live without the people in my life. I am sooo thankful. I honestly cant even explain, or put it into words. Thank you God, for giving us friends.

"The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them." - John 15:13

Always a child

2009-02-11T23:27:00.009-05:00

I love people. I love challenges. I love deep questions, questions that make you think, and think. I love how I have people in my life who have faith in me, challenge me, and love me.

I love my brother, hes amazing. He asked me online yesterday how I think God see's me. And I responded, "MYoungin03 (12:17:25 AM): as a child. whos not afraid to admit when wrong. and hopefully as a selfless person who puts others before myself." I am a child, I have this passion, this thirst for more knowledge wanting to know it all. But I think I can be independant, an adult, but know Im definitly not. I continue to make mistakes, drift away, etc. and I guess I will always be a child. its quite frustrating really...

Is this the right kind of relationship? I mean it makes sense because He is my father, but is it wrong to always be making mistakes, to drift apart? Maybe this is because Im reminded I always need Him, always is there, and Hes the only way??

But I know all this. Yet time and time again I try to be this independant person and forget to lean on God. Why is it when Ive fallen and scrapped my knee do I cry to my father asking for help or forgiveness? And always "Daddy look at me" when I;m showing off my gold star? But like a child, i ask, "why Daddy, why?" and there arent always answers.

facing giants

2009-02-09T23:28:00.006-05:00

A good friend of mine Matt chatted with me online briefly a few days ago and its kinda been nagging at me in the back of my mind...He asked a simple question, "real quick..what is your favorite two stories, one from the old testiment and the other from the new testiment." It took me a minute to think of my favorite from the old testiment, but i couldnt think of a favorite of the new because im so overwhelmed by Jesus. He was instantly able to say His two favorites, but I really had to think of mine. And that bothers me.

It made me realize...I need to be more familiar with the Bible....

This simple question is something I cant stop pondering and want to look closely at, starting with my fav from the old testiment.

My favorite story from the old testiment was the Dave and Goliath. I love how God has the power to overcome the hugest of tasks in someone so unlikely, so small. I love how nobody beleived in David. David had SO much faith in God, and totally saw in God;s perspective while everyone cowered. He also didnt wear any armor..he just used the talents God gave him and worked a miracle through God.

Through Him, He makes the impossible possible. He gives us all the gifts, the talents we need, we just need to trust and have faith in Him.

Thinking about the story, one I love but has been forgotten for some time, really pops more questions...am I using my talents for the good? Do I trust God is going to fight with me and for me when I face my giants? Am I looking at my impossible situations or "giant" in God's perspective?

"...sometimes, you trip and fall..build a mountain out of something small..." After Edmund

I really need to start looking in the eyes of God...seeing myself the way He sees me, rather than the lack of faith I have in myself. Stop making moutains outta something small, face my giants with faith God will pull me through. its amazing too that this is where this post went...not quite in a direction i imagined it to go. aparently i havent thought of my fav. story in a while and im glad ive touched on it again.

cant waiiit

2009-02-08T17:41:00.003-05:00

In exactly 4 weeks, I will be in South America. I cannot wait. Im so excited for the opportunity God has given me! I look forward to making a difference in people's lives and growing spirtually and clinically!!! :)

Yesterday, we went down to grand rapids and packed up all the dental equipment, gauze, instruments, bibs, local anesthesia stuff, disinfectants, toothbrushes, sealent materails, etc etc. So far we have 22 suitcases!! Packing up all the stuff was a HUGE reality check. I really am doing this! Its getting REAL! Cant wait!

Muddy water

2009-02-04T00:18:00.004-05:00

Jesus is the living water and is the only one who can satisfy all our longings. I was created with a longing, a thirst in my life, that nothing on earth can satisfy.

I cant help but think of the Samaritan woman in John 4:7-15. Unclean, an outcast. Jesus is incredible. The woman knows how unclean, such an outcast she is, and pretty much is asking Him if he was so thirsty that He was willing be made unclean. But Jesus pretty much says its not of His thirst but because of ours.

If I really trust God, together we draw up water and its clean and blessed. But when I bring in other things to satisfy my thirst, its muddy water. When i seek other things, my life is muddy water.

I keep drudging up the muddy water. Right now I question myself, am I looking to anything but Jesus to fulfill me and make me feel whole and satisfied? I think I might be...

This thirst I have, I cannot be satisified. The only way I will satisfy this thirst is to rely on Christ. Only through Him, can I truely be satisfied.

The song that comes to mind...The River by Chris Tomlin.

When I was held up in chains
The river was free
When I was covered in stains
The river was clean
When I was losing my way
The river found me
I can see the river
I can feel the river
I'm letting go of all I hold onto
Let it wash away
When we were broken inside
The river was love
When we were thirsty and dry
You were more than enough
When we were drowning in lies
The river saved us
I'm dancing in the river
And I'll be here forever
I'm letting go of everything but You
Carry me away
Carry me away...

Project Homeless

2009-01-27T22:22:00.003-05:00

So today was a huge reminder as to why I love dental hygiene....the reward it brings. A few classmates and I went down to Grand Rapids at the Van Andel. They were opening the doors to the homeless for free dental screenings, x-rays, and patient education. It was incredible, emotional experience. We saw over 200 people. And they all were thankful...even when we were suggesting them to extract teeth. Some of my patients in clinic dont even thank me, and it was just an incredible experience. There is light, even in dark places...

I plan in the future to partake in any opportunity to give the talent God gave me towards others.

Holy shot!

2009-01-26T18:37:00.007-05:00

Last thursday in my local anesthesia class we learned how to actually give them for the first time! Ashley was my partner adn here is a posed pic's of us :)

SOOO today in clinic I gave 2 injections to my patient-like a real person adn not a classmate!!! SO insaine! Needle and all!! Yikes!

So today...my instructor sat down with me when I gave them, and she laughed at me later when my patient was gone. She said when she asked me if i was ready, my eyes bulged out of my head :) haha I did something I have only done once! I was so nervous, but I knew if I acted how I felt, i would scare my patient! It was CRAZY. My instructor said i did a good job, so i was happy. Give thanks I was able to control my fears and actually did it! More and more each day im becoming a hygienist!!

PS 6 weeks til Guyana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have patience, but I pray for more.

2009-01-19T22:34:00.006-05:00

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." -psalm 27:14

We are in a world full of instants. The microwave, McDonalds, cell phones, cars, internet, etc etc. when something breaks, we buy a new one. So when we have a problem, we in a way want instant results. But in reality....things take time. Coming back from an injury, driving after a car accident, hurting someones feelings, waiting in lines, relationships, ect ect, it all takes time and patience.

I want to pass my exam. I want to drive in the snow and not freak out. I want to be in relationship with someone who loves me. I want to know where I'm going. I want to know who will live with my when i graduate. I want I want I want...I just want to know. But I cant have instant results......

Wouldn't it be nice to have instant results to all the wants and needs and stuff? And skip though all the struggle, all the times we trip and fall? sometimes wish i could push fast forward on a lot of things just so I know i'll be ok...graduate, get a job, have a relationship/marriage, ect. But I know I cant. When I think about stuff like that, I'm focusing more on my agenda, rather than God's.

its hard to wait. but I gotta just have patience...and trust that there is a reason why I'm waiting. I may not know my path, but God does. And He will show me. He knows me better than I do, and He knows I'm not ready for or ready to know. He'll bring me answers when the time is ready. I just need to have patience, and enjoy the ride.

God will show me the way, He will not fail me. "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5

So for now, I pray for patience...that I dont get discouraged as I wait for all the answers God brings me when I'm ready. Im glad I've been reminded...

Live. Laugh. Love.

2009-01-11T19:58:00.002-05:00

I think this is going to be my motto for the year. I am going to live like there's no tomorrow, Im going to laugh and try not to let the little things get to me, Im going to love anyone and everyone.

Its hard to beleive it is a new year. And each year, you have expectations as to what you want to do differently, improve on, and whatnot. This is my final year at Ferris, which FREAKS me out. I have a BOARDS and exams and stuff in the future, patient completions, internships, job hunting, relationships, interviews, moving etc. """"I need to study more, I need to start running, etc etc. AHH soo much expectations!""""

SO instead of worrying about the future, i am going to enjoy the present. Live. Laugh. Love.

Life is just too short.

Fire

2008-12-18T14:02:00.004-05:00

Last night I slept by the fireplace. Kind of random I know, but i did. Im not entirely sure why I did-not quite as cozy as a bed, but for some reason i did. Its been trying to comprehend why, but i am just not finding a reason...

I woke up with blankets over me, which made me feel so blessed. It probably looked really silly to my parents this morning when they found me sleeping there, but they didnt wake me, or make me move. Im not really sure why..maybe they just werent suprised.

Life on the edge

2008-12-16T00:07:00.002-05:00

I love finding old cd's. seriously.

Life on the edge-Eli

I open up my eyes,
To face another day.
I start to struggle,
Who will I obey?
Temptation surrounds me,
Trying to resist.
I may end up winning,
Or end up caving in!

This is life on the edge.
Tell me I'm meant for more than this.
I get closer,
And closer to regret.
Won't someone pull me in,
From living on the edge?

Conviction comes easy,
Never seems to stay.
Avoiding my family,
I wonder what they'd say,
If they knew the endless circles I have run?
Would Mom and Dad still love me,
No matter what I'd done?

So I pray to God,
With nothing left to lose.
But I've spent my heart,
And now I have to choose
Between this madness,
Or a second chance.
The future won't be easy,
But neither was my past!

This is life on the edge.
Yes, I'm meant for more than this.
I move farther, and farther from regret;
And God pulls me in...
This is life on the edge.

Yes, I'm meant for more than this.
I move farther,
And farther from regret.
And God pulls me in,
From livin' on the ledge.

The words speak for themselves...

I once lived on the edge, and God pulls me in. And He will always save me...

SO CLOSE

2008-12-13T14:05:00.002-05:00

Wow. i am almost done...4 more finals to go!!!!!! so to take breaks from studying, i have been playing in the snow with my roommates :) Thursday night after my final we walked across the frozen pond and sledded down the hill behind walmart. SO MUCH FUN!! :) And yesterday, i thought going skiing at caberfae was a nice 5 hr study break. :) So now its crunch time and i need to stop finding ways to procrastinate. What do i need at meijers..... hah.